If you're gonna hurt me, why don't you hurt me a little bit more?
by spiritsunshine
Summary: Callie and Arizona navigate life after the court ruling. (Spoilers for 12.22) Rating may change.
1. Chapter 1

So I caught up with the courtroom episode today and felt like this needed to be a fic. I don't know if it's been done, as I've been avoiding the GA section of like crazy in a bid to not see any spoilers, but this will be a multi-chapter fic (ignoring whatever happens on Thursday because I already have it planned!) :)

/

Arizona loved the early morning cup of coffee and the peace it brought with it. Daluca was at the hospital and had made a pot of coffee, so minimal effort was involved. All she had to do was get back into bed with her sleeping princess and enjoy the moment.

It was the first morning in weeks that she hadn't felt exhausted due to worry and stress. It had started long before the custody trial, before Callie had announced her plans to move to New York with Penny. When she found out Penny had met Sofia, Arizona had begun to worry.

What if Sofia prefers spending time with Callie? What if she chose Callie? What if she moved with Callie and forgot about her? Considered Penny to be her new Mommy?

Arizona had always had a habit of thinking the worst. Usually she could squash the thoughts by concentrating on work or smoking and stress-eating doughnuts; neither was a long term solution for the stress she had been feeling. Instead she accepted the sleepless nights, went out with Webber, took on every emergency she could find and cherished every second with her daughter. Just like she was doing now.

She couldn't quite believe the result yesterday in court. She wasn't convinced it would go that way, not after Sofia had claimed to hate her. Not after she had prevented the premature birth of a tiny human who could have otherwise had a very painful few weeks. But the judge ruled in her favour, and now she was sat in bed, drinking coffee and stroking her little girl's hair. Arizona couldn't help but cry.

She wasn't sure if it was relief or guilt. Yes, her princess was with her, but her princess didn't get to be with her Momma. And seeing Callie's face today, it had stung. Yes, they had divorced, but that didn't mean that Arizona didn't still love her ex-wife. Much the opposite.

Looking back, she knew she wasn't perfect in her marriage. She would never sit and try to deny her part in what had happened, however defensive she may have felt in the moment. But since her marriage, she had felt like she was building herself up to be a better person. All it took was a second to make that fall apart.

She had allowed Sofia to choose her favourite dinner, chicken parmigiana, another sting to Arizona. Callie had always made the most perfect chicken parm, and that was probably why Sofia loved it so much. Still, she tried her best, and Sofia cleaned her plate with smiles. Her daughter probably hadn't noticed the difference, but Arizona had hurt beyond the smile.

She hadn't had the discussion with Sofia yet. She didn't even know what was going on until the move. When was Callie wanting to see her? Her ex-wife had been so distraught that Arizona couldn't ask. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her that little bit more. She had made a promise to herself that she couldn't talk to Sofia about it until there was a plan. Maybe it would be best to have Callie talk to Sofia at the same time? It was new waters and she didn't quite know how to navigate it on her own.

She had spoken to her parents on Skype last night about it. Barbara and Daniel Robbins were two of the most level headed people she knew, regardless of the bias she had for them being her parents. She had allowed Sofia to speak to them, and cut off the call at her bedtime. Sofia didn't like sleeping without a story, and who was Arizona to deny her daughter that? Once she had fell asleep, Arizona tucked her in and crept back downstairs to speak to her parents again.

"So, how'd it go?" Concern was etched across both of her parent's faces. Arizona hadn't wanted to text something so big as the decision. To be honest, anything other than a face to face discussion felt a little bit anti-climactic in this situation.

"Well," Arizona started, "I now have full custody of my daughter."

Both Barbara and Daniel allowed a look of relief to take over their faces.

"I just… Can't believe it." Arizona paused. "I was painted in such a negative light. I had to LEAVE the hearing for an emergency surgery for God's sake!"

"And that just shows that you are a responsible person. You put a patient's needs before your own today." Barbara's calm voice was what Arizona needed to hear.

"I guess Mom, but it was a matter of life and death. Well, potential life and death. Either way I made an oath."

Her parents nodded. "We know," Daniel responded. "I don't think you know how proud we are of you, Arizona."

Arizona sniffled, trying her hardest to not cry in the moment. "I know. Thanks. I… I should go. I don't want to miss out on a second more with Sofia."

"Okay sweetie." Barbara said softly, "we'd like to come down and see her soon too if that's okay?"

Arizona nodded. "Of course. Send me the dates."

"We will, goodbye darling."

"Bye Mom, Dad." With that, Arizona closed her laptop, curled up on her sofa and sobbed.

She didn't know how long she had been there, not looking at the clock until she heard the door open. She left the living room to see Daluca, who seemed to know what all Arizona needed was a hug. He didn't comment on the makeup down her face or her crumpled clothes, just smiled and nodded as she left the embrace.

Arizona wouldn't let him know how much she appreciated it, but in the light of morning decided he would definitely need to know how hard she would kick his ass if he spoke about her crying at work.

Her train of thought was broken as Sofia stirred next to her, rolling over and mumbling something. She had always talked in her sleep; even when it kept her awake, Arizona had always found it endearing. It was a comfort to know her princess was there.

She wasn't going anywhere. Her daughter was right here.

"Hey, Mommy?"

"Yes sweetie?" Arizona trailed her fingers through her daughter's hair lazily.

"Can we go to the park today?"

Arizona smiled. "We can do anything you want, sweetheart."


	2. Chapter 2

_Before I start, can I just say a massive thank you to the reviews and follows and favourites. I was speechless looking at my email account! There are some amazing fics atm about this, I just really hope this is going to live up to your expectations…_

 _Anyway, this chapter is going to be from Callie's point of view. I'm thinking of alternating chapters, but we'll see how this goes._

/

Callie stood in the same place as she had been for the last five minutes, trying to will herself to bite the bullet and just press the damn doorbell. It was the same doorbell she had rung so many times before when picking up her daughter, when dropping her daughter off. It had become automatic: walk up to this door, press the button and wait for the door to be opened. It was hardly a difficult task.

Except today it was. And Callie had yet another reason to be frustrated with herself.

She didn't really remember the journey from the courthouse to Meredith's house. After the judge said those words, the words that made her world stop spinning, she stopped taking in details. It was like she was underwater, all of her senses numbed, only snapping back to reality once the doorbell rang and her little girl stepped into the arms of her other mother. Her little girl left to go home and Callie was left behind.

The tears started the second Sofia had stepped out of the door. Callie wasn't sure when they had stopped, or rather when her tear ducts had run dry. She had sat on the floor at Meredith's house, a glass of wine in front of her and her friend's arm around her. They had dissected everything Callie did or didn't do, everything she could have done to have changed the outcome.

"I just don't understand. What did I do wrong Mer? There has to be something we've missed."

Meredith smiled sadly at her friend, playing with her glass.

"I don't know. Maybe it just wasn't your day."

"But there has to be something."

"Callie." Meredith waited for Callie's eyes to meet her own. "You have got to stop beating yourself up over this. The judge made her decision. You cannot change what was said today, or your actions. You can't live in the past and expect to have a better tomorrow. You need to start focusing on the now and what you have control over. What you can change is how you act from this moment on. You know Arizona is a good mom. You both are. Just because she has custody doesn't make you any less of a mother, just as it wouldn't have made Arizona any less of a mother if you had moved to New York with Sofia."

Callie just stared at her drink, waiting a moment before draining her glass. She picked up the wine bottle with the intention of having another glass, praying that the wine would begin to take the edge of the sting off the truth of her friend's words. She cursed under her breath when she realised the bottle was empty, but didn't have to ask Meredith to get a new bottle. Meredith filled her glass but didn't hand it back to her.

"Seriously Callie. You're a strong person, look at everything you've survived… You need to keep being strong. Be a role model for Sofia. Okay?"

Callie nodded. It seemed to be the right answer, because she was rewarded with her refilled wine glass. Callie sighed.

"I just don't know what I'm going to do, Mer."

Meredith took a moment to sip her drink before answering.

"You are going to talk to Arizona tomorrow. You are going to be strong."

"Okay."

The two friends drank in silence. Neither looked at the clock, or felt under pressure to make small talk. It would have been pleasant if it wasn't for the circumstance. Callie was the one to break the silence.

"Um, Penny was my ride, and she's gone. I don't think I can go back to her tonight, Mer. Could I just stay here tonight?"

"Of course," Meredith smiled.

Waking up at Meredith's house had evoked a mixture of feelings for Callie. Relief at not having to face Penny. A sting when remembering the day before. Sorrow at hearing the joyful voices of Meredith's children. A nausea and banging head, but given the sheer amount of wine she had drank, that would have happened no matter where Callie had slept the night before.

Callie took her time showering. She let the water run over her skin, let her tears get lost in the flow. She was gentle with her body, as if dealing with actual wounds rather than emotional ones. By the time she stepped out of the shower, she was still feeling delicate, but she knew she wasn't about to break.

Callie returned to Meredith's room to get her phone. She had left it on silent, and let the battery run flat the night before. It wouldn't have a fully charged battery, but it would be enough to get through a few hours by now. She unlocked her screen, and saw she had a voicemail. Callie sat down, before dialling her voicemail service and listening to the unexpected message.

"Callie. I was hoping you'd call me by now. Um… I'm going to bed, but my phone is on loud and if you need a lift I can always come and get you still… I love you."

Hearing Penny's voice was not something she was prepared for. Penny had made her excuses when Callie and Meredith had started on their first bottle of wine. Callie hadn't protested. She deleted the voicemail, locked her phone, and headed downstairs.

"Hey." Callie stood in the doorway of Meredith's kitchen.

"Hey." Meredith looked up from her coffee. "Sore head?"

"You might say that. Thanks for letting me stay last night."

"You know you're always welcome."

"I know. But thank you… I hate to ask another favour."

"You want a lift to Arizona's place?" Meredith tentatively picked up her car keys.

Callie just nodded.

And that was how she came to stand here. She repeated Meredith's words to herself.

Be strong.

Callie closed her eyes, and pressed the doorbell.


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all so much for your support! Your reviews, follows and favourites come as yet another surprise for me, and I've had a goofy smile checking my email at work all day! It is definitely motivating me to write more often - 3 planned chapters (5, if you include my other ongoing fic for the 1OO) in one week is something I would never have thought possible for me before now :) I'm not sure I can promise another 24 hour chapter though!_

 _Before I start, I would like to say thank you for all of the comments and speculation about the upcoming story. I had actually started writing this just after I made chapter 2 live, but you guys gave me an idea for a piece of dialogue I was struggling with for chapter 4, so thank you to everyone who asked about this!_

 _Also, although I may have lots of fangirl feelings about the show, I have been trying to portray these characters as objectively as possible for the fic… I think this chapter and the next one may allow for more drama to come into play._

 _Again, I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the first two, if not more :)_

/

"Mommy, can I wear my new dress today to the park?" Sofia smiled over her cereal.

Arizona looked up from the post she was sorting - DeLuca only ever left it in a mixed pile, and it drove her up the wall. "Of course you can. On one condition."

"I have to wear tights?" Sofia asked.

"Yes sweetie. You have to wear tights."

"That's okay Mommy." Sofia paused to eat a spoonful of cereal. "I like my tights, especially when they match my dress."

Arizona chuckled, remembering how her daughter used to have tantrums over the mere thought of putting tights on. She had told Sofia about it the last time they went clothes shopping together. Her daughter just couldn't believe it.

Arizona watched her daughter finish her breakfast. Her face was so beautiful as she watched the birds in the tree outside the window. The smile at the singing, the furrowed brow when they jumped to a branch just out of sight - Arizona could hardly stand it. What on Earth did she ever do right to deserve such a perfect little girl?

Lost in thought, Arizona was brought back to reality when Sofia stood up and turned to her.

"I'm done now Mommy. Can I go and get dressed?"

Arizona nodded, while reaching for the now empty bowl, intending on washing it. "Of course you can." She let her eyes follow her daughter as she skipped out of the kitchen, safe in the knowledge that whatever her daughter came downstairs wearing, she would look incredibly well put together. Sofia had always loved choosing her outfit, and Arizona loved that she had a routine with her daughter. They would buy clothes and hang them up in outfits, then Sofia was able to choose her outfits and there would be no arguments. What else was the internet for if it wasn't for household tips?

Arizona was washing the suds off the now clean bowl when the doorbell rang. She grabbed the tea towel and dried her hands as she walked. She was still holding it when she opened the door.

"Hi!" Arizona's face fell when she saw it was her ex wife. "Oh."

"Hi." Callie smiled sheepishly. "Can we talk?"

Arizona paused before stepping aside. "Sure. In the living room."

Arizona waited for Callie to pass her. She saw her glance up the stairs, clearly hoping for a glimpse of her daughter. Her head hung low when she realised it wasn't going to happen, and she shuffled into the living room. Arizona followed her in, and closed the door gently behind her.

"So, what do you want Callie?"

Callie looked up at Arizona like a wounded puppy. "I want to see my daughter."

Arizona nodded, and replied in a controlled voice. "Of course you do. But that's not happening today. We have plans, and I am not letting her down." Arizona pointed to the ceiling, towards where Sofia would be getting dressed.

"I haven't seen my daughter in what feels like forever."

Arizona's jaw dropped. "Seriously?"

Callie raised an eyebrow, and Arizona could feel herself begin to get angry.

"You wanted to move to NEW YORK with our daughter. I wouldn't have been able to see her for months on end. And you're telling me a few days feels like forever?" Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose, and took a deep breath to steady herself before carrying on. "Are you actually being serious right now?"

"I won't get to see her for months on end." Callie started picking at the skin around her fingernails, clearly nervous.

"Because you are _choosing_ to move away!" Arizona took a moment to calm herself down. She made sure her voice was quiet too, upsetting Sofia was the last thing she wanted to do. "Did you ever consider the consequence of your actions? You're a mother Callie, you can't just make huge life changing decisions and not think how it will affect your daughter. Leaving her friends, her school… That's her life. It might not be a big deal to you, but to a child that is everything. And you didn't consider her."

"But-"

"And do you know what the worst part is? This might not even be a permanent move. The program only lasts a year, then what is the plan? You want to uproot a child for a year?" Arizona held eye contact with Callie. "Can you honestly, hand on heart, tell me you believe that would be best for the little girl we have brought up?"

Callie's eyes were fixed on the wall ahead of her. "I… I don't know."

"That's not good enough for me, or my daughter I'm afraid." Arizona paused to listen. Sofia had turned the taps on upstairs, and the noise of her brushing her teeth could be heard. "Look, Callie, she's going to be down in a minute, and I don't want to upset her. Not today. Not until we have a more concrete plan."

Callie's eyes met Arizona's. "Please…"

"We will talk tonight. Meet on neutral ground and get a plan together."

Callie opened her mouth as if to protest. Arizona held her hand up to her ex wife.

"Don't. I will text you a time and place. But now I need you to leave my house."

Callie made her way to the front door, casting one last look up the stairs. Arizona felt a pang of guilt. As Callie made her way out of the door, Arizona whispered "I'm sorry".

She didn't know if her ex wife had heard. She didn't know if she had a reason to be sorry either. Arizona made her way back into the kitchen, and waited for Sofia to come down the stairs.

"Mommy, who was that at the door?"

Arizona forced a smile. "It was nobody, sweetie. Don't you worry about it."

Sofia nodded. "Okay mommy." She sat herself down in the chair infront of Arizona, and passed her hairbrush over her shoulder. Arizona took the brush, and began running it through her daughter's hair.

"So, Miss Sofia. How are we doing your hair today?"

Sofia looked over her shoulder. "I'd like princess braids. Like the ones you wear Mommy."

Arizona smiled at her daughter. "Of course."


	4. Chapter 4

_I haven't seen this week's episode yet - please no spoilers in reviews!_

 _Also I'm going to try some flashbacks this chapter, using italics. I hope the format works, but flashbacks aren't something I'm planning to do too often. I just wasn't sure on how to go about writing this otherwise… If you have major issues with the format, please let me know and I'll bear it in mind if there's another flashback chapter :)_

 _Finally, I know I said I couldn't promise another 24 hour update, but here it is (well, approximately)… As always, enjoy!_

/

Callie drummed her fingers on the table. She was beginning to get impatient. Sure, she had arrived 45 minutes early, but still, she had been waiting for Arizona for 45 minutes and was on her second coffee. Callie shook her head. How was this not important enough for Arizona to be here already?

Callie stopped her train of thought. If she had been in Arizona's position, she wouldn't have wanted to come early either. Arizona had had the luxury of spending the day with Sofia. As for Callie? She couldn't have escaped fast enough. She had gone home after speaking to Arizona, hoping that she could be alone for a few hours. Given the luck she was having in her life, Callie should have expected that wouldn't be the case.

 _Callie unlocked the door, and stepped into her home. Could it still be called a home if the heart wasn't there? As much as she hated him at the time for saying it, DeLuca was right when he told the court that Sofia made the place much happier. Callie bit the inside of her mouth, trying to distract from the tears that were starting to well up. She slid her shoes off, then looked across the room._

" _Hi."_

 _Penny was watching her from the sofa. She was sat on the edge of the seat, her clothes were crumpled and her hair had been pulled back into a ponytail. Callie could tell she was tired, more tired than normal for a resident. She started to feel nauseous._

" _Hi."_

 _Callie moved further into the room._

" _So," Penny fixed her gaze on the coffee table in front of her, "you didn't come home last night."_

" _No."_

" _And you didn't call or text."_

" _No."_

" _Okay." Penny paused. "Where have you been?"_

 _Callie sighed. "What does it matter?"_

" _It matters Callie._

 _Penny held eye contact with Callie. Callie felt like her eyes were burning holes in her._

" _Okay." Callie moved further still into the room. "I stayed at Meredith's house. I didn't want to wake you, so I didn't text. Then I went to Arizona's house. I wanted to see Sofia…"_

 _Penny closed her eyes and leaned back on the sofa. She was silent for a minute, but the minute seemed like an eternity to Callie._

" _You should have text. Even if you said you were staying out, at least I would have known you were safe."_

" _You knew I was at Meredith's house." Callie countered._

" _And there was nothing stopping you from leaving!" Penny raised her voice in frustration. "You could have left that house and gone anywhere. You could have been in an accident, or been so drunk you collapsed! And I would have sat here oblivious. Hell, I probably would have been the last to know!"_

" _Wait, Penny." Callie sat down next to her. "Where is this coming from?"_

" _Seriously? Callie, are you fucking blind?!"_

 _Callie was stunned. She had never heard Penny swear, not even in the bedroom. She wasn't even sure Penny knew any swear words._

" _You ignored me from the second I testified. You pushed me away, literally and emotionally. And I might only be your girlfriend, I know it is nothing compared to what Sofia is to you, but Callie, I know I deserve more."_

 _Callie fought to control her voice. She could feel her vocal chords shaking, whether is was anger, frustration or upset, she had no idea. "What are you saying?"_

" _I'm saying that if we are doing this, I want more from you. I am not some toy you can pick up and put away as is convenient." Penny turned to face Callie. "Look, I'm not ready to give up on us. I'll postpone the move so we can get things sorted, or you could meet me there? There has got to be a way we can do this..."_

 _Callie shrugged, and broke eye contact._

Just thinking about the conversation she had with Penny earlier in the day made Callie's skin crawl. She didn't know if she was embarrassed or upset or frustrated. All Callie knew was she felt intense hatred for the whole situation.

"Hi."

Arizona sat down opposite Callie, with a coffee in hand. Callie had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed her come into the coffee shop. She smiled weakly at her ex wife.

"Hi. How's Sofia?"

"She's fine." Arizona reached into her bag for her phone, swiping and offering the screen to Callie. "I promised her I would send you these photos from today. Here she is on a swing, and with her ice cream… And here, she really loved how I did her hair today."

Callie didn't realise she was crying until she saw the tissue that Arizona was holding.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you Callie."

Callie shook her head, wiping her eyes. "No, it's just been hard."

"It's been one day Callie."

"I know… You would have laughed at me this morning outside your house."

Arizona raised an eyebrow. Callie took that as a sign that she should continue.

"I was so nervous, I stood there for five minutes trying to will myself to press your doorbell. I didn't know if you'd be in, or if I'd see DeLuca or some woman..."

"Or some woman? Callie, really?"

Callie could see the anger rising in Arizona. She was biting the inside of her cheek, a sure sign that she should stop provoking her ex wife.

"I don't know…"

The two women avoided eye contact for a few minutes, instead sipping their coffees and admiring the artwork on the walls of the coffee shop. Callie needed to pull herself together, and could tell that Arizona needed time to calm down. Once she was sure she wouldn't cry again, Callie started to talk.

"So. What do we do?"

Arizona looked puzzled. "What do we do with what exactly?"

"What do we do about Sofia?"

"Well." Arizona sipped her coffee. "She lives with me now."

Callie felt her heart sink. "But I haven't moved?..."

"Callie. The court awarded me custody. Sofia lives with me. That doesn't mean she can't stay with you on the agreed days. I'm not denying you the right to see your own daughter."

"So I have to wait until Monday?"

Arizona nodded, then drained her coffee cup. She left the table to order more coffee. Callie watched her movements from her seat. Her ex wife smiled a little bit too brightly at the pretty little brunette barista for Callie's liking. It took her a moment to realise that actually it was none of her business.

Arizona sat back down with two coffees.

"Oh," Callie said, "you didn't have to buy me a coffee."

Arizona waved a hand. "It's fine."

The two women sat in silence for another minute. It made Callie uncomfortable, she had forgotten how intense Arizona's stare could be, even when she wasn't staring at her as such. She had forgotten the shade of blue. It scared the life out of her that someone who was such a huge part of her life was someone who, without Sofia, she wouldn't have any contact with.

"How did we get here?"

"Excuse me?"

"How did we get here?" Callie repeated herself. "Not here as in this coffee shop specifically. Here as in fighting in court for custody of our daughter."

"Well," Arizona stared at her coffee, "I'm pretty sure you should be asking yourself that."

"But-"

"No, Callie. We were doing pretty great at coparenting. Everybody thought so. Then you decide that you want to take Sofia away from her friends, her school, me. I understand she's your daughter, but she is my daughter too."

"I didn't say she wasn't."

Callie remembered the day Arizona had signed the official adoption papers for Sofia.

" _You realise you are never going to need these?" Callie smiled at her wife._

" _I just don't want to be caught out." Arizona replied, reading through the documentation in front of her._

" _Just, you know I know that we don't need a piece of paper to prove you're her mommy, don't you?"_

" _Yes." Arizona leaned in to place a chaste kiss on Callie's lips. "I know you know that. But the law doesn't. God forbid if something happens to you and Mark… This is for Sofia"_

"You're right. You never said Sofia wasn't mine. Not until the testimonies in court where your whole case was built around her not being my daughter biologically."

Callie's mouth dropped. "I never said that though."

"You hired a lawyer who built a case around it." Arizona paused. "I went through the process of hiring lawyers too. I know they run their tactics past you as a client. You let her tell the court that I am not Sofia's mother."

"But it was just a question."

"It wasn't just that question though, was it? It was my career, my social life - any personal details you and your lawyer could find really. That hurt." Arizona looked up from her coffee at Callie. "I know we haven't been on the best of terms, and I know I haven't been a perfect person, but I would never have done that to you Callie. I thought the least I could expect was that same respect from you."

With that, Arizona stood up, and moved her bag strap to her shoulder. "I'll see you around. Don't forget you're picking Sofia up Monday evening."

With that, Arizona left. Callie felt emptier than before. "How could I forget?" she said to noone in particular.


	5. Chapter 5

_Okay, wow. So, is it just me or is the show trying to butcher some of the characters right now? I mean, I understand the concept of character development, but I think they've gone in for complete personality transplants instead!_

 _I've done a longer chapter today because of how easy it was to write this. I am not going to promise all chapters are going to be this length from now on… I was just happy to have some fluff!_

 _Anyway, Arizona's pov again! Enjoy :)_

 _/_

It wasn't often Arizona Robbins got angry. Sure, she got annoyed, or had to stand up for herself or advocate for her patients. But was it ever true anger? The kind that feels like your blood is boiling in your veins and your mind goes blank and you see nothing but whatever the source of the anger is? No, those times were never like this.

She wasn't quite sure what to do as she sat behind the steering wheel in her car. She was reasonably sure that driving was not an option right now. Rationality in stressful situations - a surgeon's best trait. So Arizona just sat and stared at the wall in front of her. Her whole conversation with Callie played over and over in her head, each time she added another sentence that she should have said, found another missed opportunity.

Arizona felt she had held it together pretty well overall though. She knew she was entitled to feelings, her therapist had told her that when her and Callie had tried a separation period. She knew she was entitled to express her feelings. So why did she feel like she had just gone and made a massive mistake?

In times like this, Arizona wished she could phone her brother. She had never removed Tim's number from her phone, making sure it was transferred every time she changed her handset. The idea of deleting it made her sick to her stomach, though she knew somebody else probably had that number now. He had guided her through so much: dealing with bullies at school, accepting who she was, talking to girls, coming out to her parents. He had always been a rock, until he wasn't. It may have been years ago, but it still stung to know that Tim would never, could never, guide her through again.

Arizona weighed her options. She could speak to her parents, but she didn't want them worrying about her. They had suffered enough, what with Tim and her accident. They didn't need to be worrying about this - as far as they were concerned, Sofia was living with Arizona. Nothing more, nothing less. That was all they needed to know.

Arizona considered her other options for guidance. She knew she could rely on Teddy, well other than how busy she was working for MEDCOM. Arizona had met up with her more than once since she had left the hospital, it just had to be very well planned in order to have her friend's full attention for more than five minutes.

As for her other friends? Richard, well he would probably be busy preparing for Catherine's visit. He had been trying out all manner of recipes, and giving all manner of leftovers to Arizona for lunch at work. She didn't know whether it was sympathy food, or him noticing that in the midst of the court preparation, she had neglected herself. It was kind, he was a kind man, but Arizona didn't want to disturb him. He'd done enough for her this week.

Then there was DeLuca. He definitely had more important things to do, what with the intern exams in two months time. Arizona couldn't be the reason he didn't pass or so as well as he would have liked to. DeLuca had been amazing to Arizona and Sofia since he had moved in, considering he was "just renting a room, nothing more". He played with Sofia and he had sorted out the gardens one weekend when Arizona had been called in for an emergency surgery. And he had gone above and beyond when he had testified. No, she couldn't bother him. That was the least Arizona owed him.

Everyone else? Well they'd either tried to embarrass her in court, or they had other problems themselves. There was maybe one other person she could try calling right now, the one other person who was going through something similar to her. Arizona dialled the number, then chewed her lip nervously waiting for the phonecall to be answered.

"Hello?"

"Hi, April. It's me."

A laugh came from her friend. "I know! Caller id remember?"

"True…" Arizona paused. "I'm wondering if you wanted to come over tonight? I know Sofia would love to see you, and she's just desperate to show off her braids to anyone who is willing to notice them. And I could do with a real conversation about everything too."

"Is 8:30 too late?"

Arizona shook her head, a reflex, before she realised April couldn't actually see her. She could feel herself blushing, even though nobody else had seen her mistake. "No, that's perfect. I will see you then."

"Okay. Bye."

With that, Arizona decided to start the ignition and reverse out of her parking space. She could see again, could think rationally again. She drove with the windows open, and no radio, appreciating the quiet. Everything had been moving so fast since Callie had announced her plan to move to New York that she had forgotten the importance of taking some time to appreciate the little things. The sound of a dog happily barking as he chased a ball that had been thrown for him, the birds singing, the children playing.

Arizona felt truely calm by the time she parked up outside her house. She could hear muffled giggles when she put her key in the front door, and smiled to herself. It seemed like DeLuca and Sofia had been having a lot of fun while she had been gone. Arizona opened the door, and was greeted by her daughter running into her arms.

"Woah, there wasn't anything on the weather forecast about hurricane Sofia moving through this house!" Arizona kissed her daughter's head. "How are you sweetie?"

Sofia beamed up at Arizona. "I'm a princess ninja, Mommy, not a hurricane!"

"A princess ninja?" Arizona raised an eyebrow at DeLuca, who stood in the doorway to the living room.

"Well we were watching cartoons, and Sofia asked me about the cartoons I liked as a kid. So I found some old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles online, and that's where the idea came from… That and she is wearing princess braids today. We probably should be careful though, with a powerful princess ninja in the house." DeLuca winked at Sofia.

Sofia giggled, then looked at Arizona with a serious look on her face. "I did promise to only use my princess ninja powers for good though Mommy."

Arizona pulled her daughter into a hug. "That's my girl."

She watched as Sofia ran past DeLuca, back into the living room. Arizona glanced in on her way to the kitchen, and saw that Sofia was lying on her front with a colouring book and pencils, a look of concentration.

"Thank you."

DeLuca followed Arizona to the kitchen. "For what?"

"For remembering she can only have pencils with that carpet. For being so good with her. For being there for me last night." Arizona turned to face DeLuca after putting her bag on the side. "For standing by my side in court."

"It's no big deal. Honestly. If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't do it." DeLuca smiled. "There's no need to thank me."

"Okay." Arizona took a seat.

"So, I'm heading back up to the hospital in a bit. Pierce is doing a piggyback surgery and I've never seen one. I thought it might be worth watching from the gallery… Do you want me to bring anything back?"

Arizona felt a smile on her face. "What? Like a souvenir from the surgery?"

"Ha." DeLuca smirked. "No, I meant if you needed bread or milk or Sofia's cereal. I could pick it up on the way home from that 24 hour place and it's ready for you in the morning."

Arizona shook her head. "No, but thank you."

"Seriously." DeLuca held up his hand. "Please stop thanking me."

Arizona looked around the kitchen after DeLuca left. It was spotless. Looking at the clock, she saw she had around two hours before April arrived. She found out the A2 pad of paper she had bought for Sofia, who loved anything arty or crafty at the moment, and some markers. She laid the paper out on the floor in the kitchen, then called her daughter.

"What's wrong, mommy?" On seeing the paper, Sofia's eyes lit up. "What are you doing?"

"Well I was thinking that a princess ninja needs a castle and a land to rule over." Arizona held a marker up to her daughter. "Want to show me what you thought it would be like?"

Sofia nodded, and took the marker. She drew and drew, only pausing when she needed to decide on a new colour. She wasn't a bad artist for her age. If she kept practicing, Arizona could see her daughter's talent blossoming into something really very special. Arizona didn't take her eyes off her daughter - her facial expressions as she concentrated were precious, her hand movements light and delicate.

The doorbell snapped her out of the trance she was in. By the time Arizona had gotten off the floor, Sofia was already off the floor. She was looking to Arizona, asking whether it was okay for her to open the door. Arizona just nodded.

"Hi April!"

"Hi Sofia," April beamed down at the girl, "or should I say your highness, miss princess ninja?"

"How did you know?" Sofia walked ahead of April into the kitchen.

"I know everything." April nodded at Sofia.

Sofia tilted her head, as if she was trying to work out whether or not April was being serious. Arizona could only smile. Her daughter really was very intelligent. She thanked her lucky stars that she was here with her right now in this moment.

"So, you know what all of this is?" Sofia smiled up at April.

"Well, I can only guess that it's your castle and all of your land."

Sofia nodded enthusiastically. "And I drew it all on my own. Didn't I, mommy?"

Arizona nodded. "She did. Isn't she talented?"

April nodded, allowing Sofia to chat away happily about the drawing. Arizona took the opportunity to pour some drinks, cranberry juice for April and a white wine for herself. She allowed her daughter to chat on for another couple of minutes before speaking up.

"Okay miss Sofia. I think it's time for bed."

Sofia hugged Arizona and planted a kiss on her cheek. "Night Mommy." She paused before looking up at Arizona. "Can April come and tuck me in? I want to show her my new teddy."

Arizona looked at April, not wanting to sign her friend up for anything she didn't want to do. April simply smiled and nodded, following the six year old up the stairs.

Arizona took the time to clear away all of the art materials. She would usually have Sofia help, but she had already stayed up past her bedtime - it was a special day after all, and it wasn't like she had school tomorrow either. She gathered the markers, then paused, looking at the paper. On a whim, she decided to take the sheet out of the pad, rolling it up and securing with an elastic band. She could give it to Callie at work and Sofia could show her Mama on Monday. Arizona only hoped that it wouldn't be seen as her rubbing it into Callie's face.

"What have you done with your daughter today?" April came back into the kitchen, taking a seat and her first sip of her drink. "She was asleep almost the second her head hit the pillow!"

Arizona smiled. "We had a nice day. We went to the park in the morning, then came home and played. From what I can tell, DeLuca had her running around too when I went to meet Callie."

"I know. I passed him when I was leaving the hospital, how else did you think I knew about the princess ninja thing?" April smiled, which fell pretty fast from her face. "But you met up with Callie? Wow, how'd that go?"

Arizona took a long sip of wine. "I guess I feel guilty. She's not the Callie I knew… Well she hasn't really seemed like herself in a long time, you know? I mean… I know people change, but there's change and there's that."

April nodded. "I know what you mean. There was a point where I didn't even know who Jackson was. How does that even happen? You know someone for years, you get married, then they become unrecognisable?"

Arizona grimaced. "I really don't know. If I did, I wouldn't have let this happen… You know what she did in court right?"

April shrugged. "I might have heard something. You know what the hospital is like. People talk. Blake came into work this afternoon moping around. I kind of put two and two together from the gossip, but we both know that my answer might not be four. What happened?"

"Her lawyer made an issue out of my job. It's too unpredictable, apparently." Arizona smirked. "It's not like anyone wants to need neonatal surgery. But apparently in 150 days I've had 92 emergency surgeries. 92 opportunities to save lives. But that's a bad thing, how dare I? Looking back, it's not even guaranteed that those surgeries were on days I had Sofia."

April's eyes were wide. "Did she seriously try and take that route?"

Arizona nodded. "But wait, there's more. Then, they tried to say I've been going out too much, inferred that I have been seeing too many women. But I would never do that if Sofia was here. I mean, even DeLuca won't bring a girl back if Sofia is here. No child needs to see casual relationships, no child needs to get attached to someone who isn't even enough to be considered temporary."

April nodded. "I know, surely that's just common sense though."

Arizona laughed. "Well that's what I thought but I'm the big bad scary fake mom over here. Oh yeah, she went there too. I'm not biological, so I'm not real."

April shook her head. "I can't believe it. I can't believe she'd stoop so low."

Arizona drained her glass. "Like you said, people become unrecognisable… Do you know what gets me? She knew what her lawyer was planning to do, to say. Not all lawyers play dirty. There are more than two custody lawyers in Seattle. She didn't have to do that."

Arizona's words hung in the silence. It was a moment before she pointed at April's glass. "Do you want another?"

"No thank you."

"Okay," Arizona replied while pouring her second glass of wine. "Just let me know when. But back to today. She came around this morning wanting to see Sofia. I had already promised her a day at the park and told her we would do whatever she wanted. I could hardly let my daughter down."

"Of course."

"So I met up with Callie just before I called you. She still wanted to see Sofia, and tried to tell me that her lawyer's tactics were nothing to do with her." Arizona paused. "I don't know, maybe I was too harsh on her. I know I would be in an awful place if I was her."

"Looking back, can you say you have tried to be a good person?"

Arizona looked up at April. "What?"

"Can you say you treated her with kindness and with dignity? Are you proud of your words and actions?"

"Well, in the courtroom, yes…" Arizona considered her words. "Today I may have been a little bit short with her."

"Which is understandable." April touched Arizona's arm. "You're a mother, you are bound to get a little bit emotional when it comes to your daughter."

"I guess."

April didn't stay much longer, seeing that she was exhausted. After seeing her out the door, Arizona found her phone.

 **Arizona:** Would you mind if Sofia spent some time with you tomorrow? 12 -3?

 **Callie:** Of course I don't mind.

 **Callie:** Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

_Oh I am so sorry it has taken me this long to update. I have had the worst week trying to do both my old job that I left nearly 2 months ago and my new one and consequently working stupid hours. Being a ~responsible~ adult sucks (I use responsible loosely, because I sure as hell don't feel like it most of the time). You guys don't want to read my complaints though._

 _Anyway, back to what you're actually here for. I can't remember whether I've done shorter sections with time gaps in chapters in this fic - this may be the first chapter for it… Regardless of that, I hope you all enjoy this chapter :)_

/

Callie sat and stared at her phone, as if the message would disappear if she took her eyes off it for just one second. Yes, the arrangement for Sofia's care had been very flexible, but that was before the courts, before the pain. Callie wasn't sure whether Arizona would be willing to be flexible. The whole situation had ignited a fire, a fight, in the blonde that Callie hadn't seen for a long time. A fire that Callie had loved.

"What's wrong?" Callie forced herself to look away from her phone, to chance losing the message on her screen. Penny looked nervous, picking at the skin around her nails subconsciously.

"Oh, um… Nothing's wrong. It's just I have a text from Arizona." Callie used her right hand to point at the phone sat in her left. "Sofia is here for a few hours tomorrow. 12 until 3. I didn't…" Callie shook her head.

"You didn't what?" Penny kept her voice gentle.

"I didn't expect her to do this…" Callie bit her lip. "I'm actually getting to see my little girl and now I'm getting nervous. She's my daughter, I shouldn't feel like I'm on trial."

Penny let out a short laugh. "Because we've all had enough of that recently, right?"

Callie broke eye contact with Penny, and seemed to shrink down where she sat on the sofa. "Right."

Penny sighed audibly, and leaned forward. "I'm just saying it was not pleasant for anyone Callie. It's not just you, Arizona and Sofia who has been affected by this. Every single person who testified or sat in that court went through some sort of emotional hurt."

Callie's vision began to blur, as the tears started for what seemed like the hundredth time since the ruling. The tracks the tears made down her cheeks stuck, as if they were making tiny cuts into her skin. She didn't even bother to wipe her face, just kept her head down as Penny continued talking.

"I'm sorry Callie. I don't want to hurt you, but I feel like I've been walking on eggshells around you and I don't want to live like this. I shouldn't be scared to say too much, to push you too far. I think there's a lot that needs to be said and I can't not say it right now." Penny paused, and Callie still refused to look at her. "Okay… Well I'm going to get some stuff. I'll stay somewhere else for now. Just… Call me or whatever when you're ready to actually talk."

Penny walked out of the front door five minutes later, and Callie was alone. She curled up on the sofa, lying her head on a mountain of cushions and clung to her phone as if it were her life support in that moment.

/

Callie looked around the living room. She had been up since 6:30, too nervous to sleep or at least lie in the bed hoping for sleep to take over her body. She wasn't sure what time she had actually woke up, but her sleep had been light, painfully aware that there was a space next to her where Penny should have been. Painfully aware that she didn't know how she felt about Penny not being there. Callie had once been told that not knowing what to do usually meant you knew exactly what to do but it was difficult to actually commit to something that could potentially hurt someone. She wondered whether the same logic applied to not knowing how she felt about Penny's absence.

Callie had tried to ignore the thoughts, tried to busy herself as much as possible. She had moved the furniture in the living room, and had found a pile of folded blankets in one of the cupboards. Sofia had always liked making forts, so a fort picnic seemed like the only logical thing to do in her limited time with her daughter.

Of course, every picnic needed food and drink, so Callie had drove to the store. Usually herself and Arizona were very strict on what foods Sofia could eat - being doctors, they both understood the importance of actual nutrition. But today Callie found every food that she would not have usually bought her daughter for home - fizzy drinks, cake, ice cream - and piled it into the shopping cart. She paused before heading to the check out, feeling a guilt at the mountains of junk food. She decided to go back and get some salad and fruit, that way it wouldn't look so bad if Arizona actually dropped Sofia in.

That was another worry running around Callie's mind. Was it rude to not invite her ex wife in when she brought her daughter back? Yesterday Arizona had invited her in. Was that because Callie had asked to speak to her, or was it politeness? Callie put her phone's browser into private mode to google the question. The last thing she wanted was Sofia to play with her phone, see the question and ask Arizona what it had meant. That was potentially the only way the whole situation could be more embarrassing in Callie's opinion, though she wasn't willing to tempt fate and bet on it.

Callie busied herself, putting portions of food into different bowls and washing the tumblers Sofia had chosen because "they look like a princess would use them". Callie wanted - no, needed - everything to be perfect today. She needed to prove herself to not be a bad mother. She needed Sofia to not hate her now, because one day she would be old enough to understand what had happened with the custody trial. She would be old enough to be told how her mothers had let it go that far, and old enough to form opinions. Callie wasn't naive; she knew there was a good chance her daughter might think that she was the "bad" mother.

But that wasn't today.

Callie had been hovering near the door when the doorbell rang. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and put a smile on her face before she opened the door.

"Mama!" Sofia practically pounced on Callie.

"Hey Sof!" Callie hugged her daughter back, kissing the top of her head. "How have you been sweetie?"

"Good! Me and Mommy have had so much fun!"

Callie smiled. "Okay sweetie, how about you go through to the living room and I'll be there in a minute?" Sofia nodded, let go of her and skipped away. Callie's gaze followed her daughter, before turning back to the door.

"Hi."

"Hi." Callie found it hard to look directly into Arizona's eyes. Was it guilt over Penny, or the trial? Was it that she felt vulnerable herself? Callie didn't know. She tried to block out the worries, knew that the next few hours were precious and shouldn't be wasted. So when she opened her mouth, she wasn't quite prepared to hear herself say the next few words.

"Are you coming in?"


	7. Chapter 7

_Ugh what was that finale? Such a joke. Sara deserved more. And what was that with the custody - alternating school years? That's one fine way to mess up a child's education, surely?_

 _Overall it just didn't feel like any effort went into anything other than Owen and Amelia's wedding. 10 years of being an integral character and Callie gets maybe 3 minutes overall in the episode… I'm not angry about it, I just feel so let down by the creators/writers of TV shows this year. Though at least Callie wasn't killed, there is that…_

 _You guys don't want to hear me rant about this though. I am spending today planning and writing for this and my other fic, so hopefully the next update won't be too far away. Here's the update, hopefully it's more satisfying than the last episode. Enjoy._

/

Arizona stood at the door, staring nonplussed at Callie. She couldn't quite believe what had come out of her mouth. Was that really an invitation to go inside for lunch?

Sure, had it been six months ago, before New York, before the court, that might have been a normal question. But now, Arizona found herself wanting to pinch her arm and check if she was actually awake and conscious. Was this a dream? If it was, then what did it mean? Her old shrink would have loved this, would have told her that there was some reason behind her reaction. Unfinished feelings maybe? That was one of her favourite terms throughout the therapy sessions she had been to, just another term to make her hate the whole process even more.

That rabbit hole was not something Arizona was looking to get into now. Not when her daughter was involved. Sofia would remember everything if she decided to explore these feelings, and Arizona wasn't willing to put her through that. Sofia's feelings couldn't be played about with, not for a possibility.

Arizona snapped out of her thoughts when Callie continued talking.

"I mean, if it's weird you don't have to, but I bought a lot of food and I'm sure Sofia would like it and -"

"Sure." Arizona stopped Callie from rambling any longer.

The brunette's eyes widened in disbelief. "Really?"

Arizona smiled. "Well, I would come in if you would let me." Arizona gave Callie a small smile, indicating her position in the door, dead center and holding onto the left hand side of the doorframe.

Callie moved out of the way, a look of mortification on her face. "Sorry…" She mumbled.

Arizona stepped inside. "Relax, it was a joke…" Seeing that Callie hadn't quite relaxed, Arizona carried on talking. "Look, how about we have a signal. If you're too uncomfortable, give the signal and I will leave. If I am uncomfortable, well, I can just leave."

Callie nodded. "Okay… We just need to make sure we don't upset Sofia."

"Of course." Arizona agreed. "She is the priority here… Shoes off?" Arizona looked over her shoulder at Callie, who shook her head.

"Don't worry about your shoes. Just go through to the living room, I've left some blankets out, I thought Sofia would like a blanket fort picnic."

Arizona held Callie's gaze. "She'll love it… Look, are you completely sure you want me to stay? Sofia doesn't need me to be here, and you…" Arizona steadied herself, seeing the look of hurt in Callie's eyes "Well, just I know every second I have with that little girl is precious to me and I don't want to intrude on your time."

"I wouldn't have invited you in if I wasn't sure." Callie reached out and touched Arizona's arm for just a moment. "Seriously."

Arizona's nerves went into overdrive, the shock running through her arm where Callie had touched her, trying to reassure her. Arizona didn't know whether it was the unexpected touch or who had touched her, but she mentally chastised herself. Callie was with Penny. Callie was moving. Callie was just completely unavailable, and that didn't change just because Arizona had never fully gotten over her. Life didn't work like that, she had to take it on the chin and carry on. At least all the childhood taunting about her name came in useful for something.

Arizona gave Callie the best gracious smile she could muster, and made her way to the living room. Sofia was lying on her front on the floor, head in her hands and eyes fixed on the television screen. Either Callie had suddenly become a fan of the Disney channel, or Sofia had helped herself to the remote. She barely acknowledged Arizona at first, only taking a second look when she realised who had sat down on the sofa next to where she was lying.

"Mommy!" Sofia sat up, crossing her legs. "I thought you said you couldn't come to Mama's house today?"

Arizona was all too aware that Callie was stood in the doorway. Somehow that made her feel all the more awkward in answering her daughter's question. The last thing she wanted to do was upset anyone.

"I know sweetie," Arizona started. "But plans can change."

"Oh." Sofia chewed her lip. SIlence took over the room for a minute, before Sofia turned to Callie. "Mama, can plans really change?"

Callie didn't answer for a moment, instead putting out bowls of food on the coffee table. Arizona cast her eye over the food Callie had brought in, Sofia wasn't normally allowed half of this on a regular day, never mind all at once. Sofia's eyes lit up, until Callie began responding to her.

"Well, I guess there are times when plans change. Not every plan changes, but it can happen, yes."

Arizona shot Callie a warning look. She had a pretty good idea where this conversation was going. Arizona had been the one to listen to Sofia cry about leaving her school and friends. Their daughter hadn't wanted to confide in Callie because because she had always been so happy about the move. Sofia had been told about the big city, and the new school, and of course the huge Disney shop. The six year old was emotionally astute enough to think she had to put a face on in front of her Mama so as to not upset her.

It hadn't surprised Arizona. She had plenty of Peds patients who were at least three times more emotionally astute than their parents. In fact, some of the most sensible things Arizona had ever heard at work had been said by her patients. But it doesn't matter how developed a child's emotional range was, that doesn't change the fact that they are a child. It doesn't change the fact that a parent's job is to shield their child from at least some of the hurt in the world.

Arizona's suspicions were confirmed when Sofia carried on talking.

"Mama, if plans can be changed… Why don't you and Penny change yours?"

Callie didn't respond, instead fixing her gaze on the carpet. Arizona stepped in.

"Sofia, you shouldn't ask questions like that."

Sofia didn't acknowledge Arizona, instead choosing to stare at Callie. Despite her best instincts, Arizona couldn't help wondering the same thing herself, moving her gaze to Callie.

Silence once again fell over the room.


	8. Chapter 8

_Right, I've got a slightly longer (and faster) update for you all today - seems like taking a day to write multiple chapters works well for me, though I don't have any more updates stocked up at the moment. Luckily for me as a writer and you as readers, it's a three day weekend this week… :)_

 _Also, just so you all know, I have already got the very last couple of paragraphs of this fic down on paper. Please trust the journey. I know Shonda has told us all that before, whether in relation to Calzona or any other couple, but honestly I'm 99.9% sure this ending will be worth every letter of whatever I may or may not be planning on writing until that point. I haven't decided how many chapters this fic is going to have yet either,_

 _Though, right now, I just hope you can enjoy this chapter :)_

/

Callie stared at her daughter in disbelief. Not because of how fearless she was in saying the one thing that Callie was afraid to even think, but because of how perceptive she had been. Had she somehow picked up on Callie's thoughts? Was that even possible?

Callie was aware of Arizona watching her, waiting for her response. She had probably seen Callie's eyes widen in shock, may have noticed the slight squint caused by the stinging in her eyes. Callie hadn't cried this much since the plane crash, but one thing she had resolved to do was never let her daughter see her upset, not until the goodbye at least. Callie let the silence hang in the room, giving herself time to steady her voice.

"Well, Sofia, things aren't always black and white." Callie moved down onto the floor, facing her daughter and taking her hand in her own. "Do you know what that means sweetie?"

Sofia shook her head, her eyes wide.

"If things are black and white, then they are either one thing or another. You can tell them apart easily, like a shoe and a hat."

Sofia smiled at the analogy Callie had chosen. Callie had no idea where her daughter's flair for fashion had came from, but it was nice that she had an interest that was so easily accessible no matter where she was or who she was with. For that, Callie was grateful. Letting a smile grow on her face, Callie continued.

"Okay, so if things aren't black or white, they can be a mixture. Do you remember the bracelet Zola gave you for Christmas?"

"This one, Mama?" Sofia held out her wrist, showing Callie the pink, glittery wraparound bracelet she wore every day without fail.

"Yes. See how it's so long that it goes around your wrist lots of time?" Callie waited for Sofia to acknowledge her before speaking again. "Well, if we take it off and have it as one loop instead of lots of loops, it's a necklace."

Sofia's eyes lit up. "Seriously? Can I wear it as a necklace now?"

Callie glanced at Arizona. There had been an incident three years ago involving a beaded necklace that Sofia had wanted so badly after seeing both of her mothers wearing necklaces that she had thrown a tantrum. They had bought the necklace, and allowed Sofia to wear it home. By the time they got in and unpacked their shopping, the necklace had been tangled up in her hair. Once they had got past the tantrum and the untangling, both Callie and Arizona had decided to avoid necklaces until Sofia was older.

Arizona nodded softly, and spoke up. "Come over here sweetie, I'll make sure it's done up correctly."

Sofia stood in front of Arizona and turned around, letting Arizona click the plastic clasp together behind her neck.

"Thank you Mommy. Does it look pretty?"

"Very." Arizona smiled. "But remember your Mama was talking to you."

Sofia nodded, and sat back down opposite Callie.

"So like your bracelet can be a bracelet or a necklace, some plans are complicated… They aren't always just bracelets or necklaces. This is one of those."

"So," Sofia started looked down at the floor. "You're not going to stay with me and Mommy?"

Callie's heart broke at this point. Who wants to hear their daughter ask that? She didn't want to tell Sofia something that she wasn't really sure of herself. Callie had just been too scared to admit that to herself up until this point. What if she gave her daughter the wrong answer and Sofia thought she had intentionally lied to her?

Instead, Callie avoided answering the question. "You know I love you, Sofia?"

Callie waited for her daughter to nod in response, catching Arizona leaving the room out of the corner of her eye. Yet another thing to thank her ex wife for.

"I love you more than anything else in existence. You are my world."

Callie pulled Sofia onto her lap, and she held her. Sofia would usually complain and say she was too old to cuddle like this, but not today. Callie didn't pay too much attention to how long they sat like that.

/

Callie sat fidgeting on her sofa. She had sent Penny a text when Arizona and Sofia had left. She couldn't put this off any longer.

 **Callie:** I'm sorry about how I've been. We need to talk.

 **Penny:** I'll come by after work.

Callie knew she couldn't go on the this state of limbo. It wasn't fair on Penny. Hell, it wasn't fair on anyone who would come into contact with Callie. She felt like she was going to snap at any given moment. Nobody needed a time bomb at work, and Sofia especially didn't deserve to have to deal with Callie's mood swings.

Despite having text Penny, Callie wasn't quite sure what she was going to say once she arrived. She knew what she wanted to get out of the end of the conversation, but not how to get there. Callie sighed. She wasn't even convinced that Penny would be okay with this. But there was no backing out now.

Not now there was the sound of a key in the door.

Not now Penny had walked into the room.

"Hi." Penny chose to sit on the other side of the sofa to Callie. The gap between the two women felt more like miles than mere meters.

"Hey." Callie looked up at Penny. "You came."

"I said I would." Penny had a small smile on her face, one that didn't extend to her eyes. What on Earth had happened to her? The woman Callie had met was once so full of happiness, so vivacious and full of life. Now, all of the hurt and the pain had reduced her to this. Callie felt a sting of guilt, something that seemed to be happening to her more and more often.

"I know." Callie hesitated. "I guess I just didn't know if I still had a right to ask you to show up."

Penny shook her head. "Don't be silly Callie. I told you to call me. Unless you're trying to tell me something else?"

"No. No, it's not that." Callie turned to face Penny properly, leaning into the corner of the sofa. "It's just… I had a talk with Sofia today. I think I know what's best for both me and her… I'm just wondering whether it's an option for you."

"Does it matter whether it's an option for me?" Penny avoided eye contact with Callie, instead choosing to pick the skin around her nails again. Callie hated that nervous habit, hated that there was a chance she could be hurting herself, even if it was only a small amount of pain.

"Of course it matters! If it didn't, well we wouldn't be having this conversation… I thought you'd want to know that I didn't actually commit to anything with Sofia. Not until we have an agreement."

Penny looked up. "Really?"

"Yes." Callie paused. "Would you like to hear my solution?"

Penny paused before nodding. "Sure, but don't think I'm not still upset about how you've been treating me."

"Okay. I know. I'm sorry. I know those two words don't make everything better automatically but-"

"Callie." Penny interjected. "You're rambling."

"Sorry." Callie paused. "I was thinking, about New York… How about I come for a few days, help you set up, then come back to Seattle? The house is going to need packing up and I'm not sure we are going to have time what with wrapping up everything at work… I can come after, say, a few weeks?..."

Callie's question hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity. Callie felt like the world had stopped. Even her heart seemed to beat a little bit slower. She was just praying that when Penny put her out of her misery one way or another, they would be walking out of the room on good terms.

"I guess that's okay."

Callie snapped back to reality. A guess was better than a no. She let out the breath she didn't know she was holding.

"You guess?" Callie decided to push her luck. She'd gone this far afterall.

"Well," Penny started. "You're right, the house does need to be sorted. And I'll have a hectic few weeks settling into the new workplace and routines. This way you get to see Sofia regularly for a bit longer too. I'm just… I don't know."

"No no, carry on." Callie reached out towards Penny before hesitating and deciding against it. Her hand lay awkwardly in the no man's land that had been declared by unspoken words.

Penny took what seemed to be a large breath, before looking across the room, letting her gaze lie anywhere other than on Callie. "I'm scared you're not going to stick to your word. That you'll stay here once I'm away."

Callie sat in stunned silence while Penny continued.

"I get it. Sofia is your daughter. Blood is thicker than water, and she is your world. I can't ask you to leave her for me." The tears began to fall from Penny's eyes.

"Hey. Callie said softly. "You're not asking. I found the job in New York for myself. I helped pick out the apartment. We will do this, we will figure it out. Okay?"

With that, Penny moved herself along the sofa, into Callie's arms.


	9. Chapter 9

_I'm sorry it took so long to update - my plan for a writing weekend fell apart as I actually had social things that I didn't hate come up this weekend…_

 _Anyway, I've had a few messages about this, and I thought rather than answering to everybody individually it would be easier to just put this here. Penny and Callie are not endgame within this fic. Also, just something I had to remind myself of when writing this, this chapter is set only three days after the trial. I have the fic loosely planned to the end, and I'm not looking to speed up the pace of the storyline any time soon (however this chapter might be more to your taste…)_

 _Like I said on the last chapter, trust the journey and enjoy this chapter :)_

/

Monday mornings at the hospital were always, for want of another word, manic at the hospital. As much as Arizona appreciated every second she had spent with Sofia, there was always the thought of returning to work and finding the messes that the residents had left for her. There should be a rule that anybody who makes a mess of paperwork has to be the one to fix it. There would just be the problem of getting it past the board...

Arizona paused, her coffee cup halfway to her mouth. That might not be as difficult as she thought… The smile grew on her face as she leaned against the nurses station with a tablet full of case files in front of her.

"Well, Arizona, I have never seen anyone so happy to have cases handed back to them after a few days off." Richard Webber raised an eyebrow from the other side of the station.

"What?" Arizona looked at him, momentarily confused. "Oh… No I'm not happy about that. I just had an idea… But never mind that, what have I missed around here?" Arizona's coffee finally reached her mouth, and she silently thanked all that was holy in the world for the existence of caffeine.

"Hm. Not a lot." Richard swiped up on his tablet. "The hospital has been kind of quiet."

Arizona scoffed. "I don't believe that for a second! This place is like high school, full of drama"

"I guess it must be school vacation then…" Richard looked up from his tablet. "How was your weekend?"

"It was nice." Arizona took a sip of her coffee. "Well, I'm not sure nice covers it. I was exhausted on Friday after the trial to be honest, but just having Sofia there made everything better."

Richard smiled back at Arizona, making her a little self conscious. It was a moment before he spoke. "I'm proud of you Arizona. You fought, hard. But most importantly, you fought with dignity. You didn't tear anyone down. Most people wouldn't be capable of that."

Arizona felt her cheeks burn. "Thank you…"

"Don't thank me for your actions." A beeping came from his pocket. "I'm sorry, I have to go, but I'll see you later?" Richard turned and walked away quickly, not seeing Arizona's nod in response. Arizona watched him until he had turned a corner out of sight before returning her eyes to her charts. It wasn't long before her own pager was going off.

"911… Crap." Arizona muttered to no one in particular, turning on her heel and heading towards the ER. She had barely stepped through the doors before April pointed Arizona to trauma room 1. Arizona took a deep breath before opening the door to the trauma room.

"Okay, what have we got?"

"Female, 17. Car crash. Abdominal bruising, took a blow to the head, looks to be around 5 months pregnant -" Meredith Grey started.

"Lizzie!" A crying woman, Arizona assumed her to be her mother. "Her name is Lizzie!"

"Okay." Arizona turned to face the woman. "I promise we will do everything we can but you really can't be in here." Arizona scanned the room. "Blake will take you to the waiting room and make sure you have a cup of coffee."

"But-" Both Penny and Meredith protested.

"Blake will go with you." Arizona kept her voice calm and firm, but not unkind. The woman sniffled, before nodding. Arizona waited for Penny to discard her gloves before opening the door for her.

"Arizona. That was not appropriate." Meredith started.

"Do you want to spend time discussing what classes as appropriate or do you want to work on saving a couple of lives today?" Arizona studied the injuries on the girl, before looking up at her colleague. "I know what I would rather be doing right now."

Meredith smirked. "Okay. Well we need to get her to CT now."

Arizona nodded. "I'll page Shepherd."

Arizona decided to leave Meredith to make sure the patient was sorted with the CT machine. Arizona took the time to set up the scan parameters. Engrossed in the setup, Arizona didn't notice Meredith sit down next to her.

"Do you want to tell me what that was all about with Blake back there?"

Arizona turned her head to look at Meredith and sighed. "I don't need more hands than necessary in the room."

"Are you sure it's not whose hands they were rather than the number of hands?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure it was the number of hands. She was the lowest ranking surgeon in the room. Would you have preferred me to send you?" Arizona raised her eyebrow in return.

"No…" Meredith fixed her eyes on the CT machine in front of her. Arizona allowed her eyes to return to the screens in front of her. The two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, before Meredith broke the silence again.

"You know, it's Blake's last day on Wednesday. She could have used the experience."

Arizona tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes, but didn't quite succeed. "Seriously?"

"We're a teaching hospital. Is it so unreasonable to think that a resident should have the opportunity to be working cases and learning?" Meredith asked, using her hands as if they made her point more substantial. "Are you sure this isn't something personal?"

"Are you sure _this_ isn't something personal, Dr Grey?" Arizona swivelled her chair so she faced her colleague. "Would you be asking any other attending about this if they had asked Blake to leave with the mother?" Arizona's voice had risen enough so that the doctors in the corridor could hear. Some of them had even stopped to look. "Or is it that you are worried that I'm more concerned about who I'm going to sleep with next? Or my next emergency surgery where I need to find a sitter for Sofia at 3am? Or is it that I am so petty to hold her relationship with Callie against her professionally?"

Meredith looked startled. "I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean to offend you."

"But you did offend me." Arizona stood up. "I'll see you in the OR, Dr Grey."

Arizona's blood was boiling when she left. She felt the eyes of her peers burn into her, but wore her anger like a shield. She stared straight ahead, straight to the goal of the elevators before stepping into a thankfully empty one. She considered pressing the button and stopping it there and then. In that moment, Arizona would do anything for some alone time. She settled on the hope of finding an on call room that she could lock herself away in. Somewhere closer to the OR. Somewhere the judgemental eyes couldn't follow her, and she could take the time to break down or scream or stare at the wall.

Arizona let out a sigh of relief when she found a room that was open and empty. She locked the door, and sat down on the lower bunk. Not that there was much more of an option for her, given that the idea of climbing the slightly wobbly ladder to the top bunk with her prosthesis seemed like a recipe for disaster. With a heavy sigh, she lay herself down and stared across the room in silence. She wasn't really thinking about anything, instead letting the anger dull down and numb any feelings she may have had in her head before locking herself away. She needed to be calm, be composed before the surgery. Her problems and feelings were nothing in comparison to the life of that baby and her mother.

Arizona was torn from her peaceful state when a phone went off above her. Arizona heard a muffled swear word, a voice that sounded familiar. She stood up to look.

"Callie?"

Tangled in her blankets, Callie turned to face Arizona, trying to appear composed and forcing a smile onto her face. "Hi!"

"What are you hiding in here for?"

"I'm not hiding?" Callie's smile faltered, and Arizona immediately knew that she was lying.

"You tell me, and I'll tell you why I'm here?" Arizona offered.

"Okay." Callie propped herself up on her elbows, head in her hands and hair tousled. Arizona had to steady her breath, the last time she had seen Callie with messy hair, she had been the one to make it messy. Those thoughts were definitely not appropriate right now. "Well, Penny's last day is Wednesday and everyone is asking me about how much I'm looking forward to New York and my new job... Can you keep a secret?"

Callie waited for Arizona to nod before continuing. "I haven't even confirmed my position yet. I know Bailey is going to go mad as soon as she hears, she wasn't impressed when she heard I was giving up my position here. But to give up my position and not even have a job to go to?..." Callie shook her head. "Yeah, I'm hiding in here."

"Oh Callie." Arizona put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "It's not too late to sort, is it?"

Callie sighed. "No, I guess not…"

"You guess not?" Arizona tried to keep the frustration out of her voice.

"I…" Callie's voice dropped and she buried her head in her arms. "Idunnoifiwantogo."

Arizona's heart lept. She had to calm herself down, tell herself not to get her hopes up. Callie's voice had been muffled, she might not have even heard what she thought she heard.

"Pardon, Callie?"

Callie raised her head, closed her eyes, and spoke as if it was the biggest chore she could imagine. "I don't know if I want to go." Callie sighed, and turned to look at Arizona, who had to wipe the smile from her face. "I just… Sofia will be here and Penny will be working long hours, and it's a new city with no friends. I just don't know if it's a good idea… I'm sorry, I thought if I didn't say it out loud then it wasn't real."

Arizona considered her words before responding. "You need to do what's right for you. Not Penny, you. But don't you dare get Sofia's hopes up if there's even a chance you won't be staying. That little girl has suffered enough."

"I know." Tears were forming in Callie's eyes. "I promise I won't." Callie wiped her eyes, then looked back at Arizona. "Enough about me, why are you hiding out?"

Arizona laughed. "Oh, I just shouted at Grey and had everyone on the floor entertained."

"Why?" Callie looked worried. "What did Mer do?"

"Oh, she just inferred that me asking Blake to go and deal with the mother of the patient was for a personal reason rather than the fact there were too many hands and she was the lowest ranking doctor in there." Arizona smirked. "I guess the whole dragging colleagues in on the custody trial has got everybody on edge."

"Yeah…" Callie mused.

The two women let silence fall over them, and allowed themselves coexist in the same space. Arizona was surprised at how comfortable she felt - wasn't she supposed to hate the sight of her ex after everything they had been through? Arizona let the thought slide away. If her and Callie could get along like this, life would be much more pleasant for Sofia. Why question it?

The silence was broken by the sound of Arizona's pager. She looked at in and sighed. "Looks like it's time to go and spend a few uncomfortable hours standing across an operating table from Grey… Wish me luck." Arizona's words were laced with sarcasm.

"Sure, or does Mer need me to wish her good luck?" Callie joked.

Arizona smirked, and held back a tart response. She was only being nice for Sofia's sake, wasn't she?


	10. Chapter 10

_I am so sorry that this has taken so long to update. I have been struggling to concentrate for more than 5 minutes at a time, and didn't want to upload a chapter that I wasn't happy with._

 _Hopefully this chapter is worth the wait…_

/

It was nearing 4pm, and Callie knew that she had to make her way out of the covers in the on call room towards the break room on the third floor. The room where every staff event was held. The leaving celebration for Arizona going to Africa. Callie's baby shower. And now the leaving celebration for Callie and Penny. Callie felt a little bit sick at how fast the move seemed to have come around.

Callie liked the feeling of being caught up in the whirlwind of love, or like, or whatever it was that she had with Penny. She liked the butterflies and feeling like she was something to someone. She liked to be needed as well as wanted. She liked it all so much that when a crazy idea came up, she went with it, said yes and fantasized about moving across the country. Actually preparing to move? That was a whole different thing.

Sure Callie had moved before. Moving from Miami to Seattle had been easy - Callie was young with no ties. She had just finished med school and was ready for change. But now Callie was in a completely different place in her life. She had a daughter, a career. She hated to admit it but maybe everybody was right. Maybe it was completely ridiculous for Callie to be following this woman across the country, this woman she had known for maybe 18 months, this woman who Callie had definite like or love for.

The second Callie had agreed to move, she felts the pressure begin. How could she let the bright eyed, bushy tailed redhead down? There was so much hope in her eyes, so much joy in her smile. Callie let herself go further and further down the rabbit hole. She allowed Penny to get excited about the move, to look forward to the move. She couldn't pull out now. She couldn't let Penny lose the light in her eyes, not how she let Arizona lose the light in her eyes in that airport.

Oh crap. This was Africa, 2.0.

Callie threw her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes. How did she get back into this pattern of self-destruction? Callie knew she was a strong woman, she didn't need to rely on anyone, so why was she pinning all of her options on this? She knew she was being silly, but she didn't know how to stop what she had already started. Maybe it was nerves that made her feel so anxious about this all? Maybe it would all be fine once she got to New York…

Or maybe Callie was delusional and needed a therapist stat.

The alarm on Callie's phone went off, tearing her thoughts away from the self pity she had been burying herself in. It was time to face the music. Time to say goodbye to her colleagues. Time to make the move real.

Callie took her time walking along the corridors, taking in the faces of the nurses and fellow doctors, taking in the sights and smells of the hallways she had grown to love over the years. This was where she learned her trade. This was where she had made friends, and lost friends. This was where she grew up and learned how to be a functional human adult. Callie felt a deep sorrow in her heart, and bit the inside of her mouth to stop the tears from forming in her eyes. She couldn't break down, not today. Callie had already planned the point at which she would allow herself to break down - the first day Penny went off to work and Callie would be left alone in a city so large and vibrant that a lone person would be swallowed into nothingness.

Callie stopped dead in her tracks when she turned the final corner before the room where the leaving celebration would be happening. Callie took a large breath, trying to steady her nerves and cement her smile into her face. She went to take a step when someone came crashing into the back of her.

"Ouch!" Callie looked over her shoulder to see Arizona taking a backwards step.

"Sorry." Callie offered a half smile.

"Don't be." Arizona looked up at the brunette. "Just maybe don't stand where people can't see you next time."

Callie walked to the other side of the corridor. "It probably wasn't my greatest idea ever."

"You think?" Arizona raised her eyebrow. "Anyway I should get…" Arizona pointed to the room with the leaving celebration. "Hang on, shouldn't you be in there by now?"

Callie shrugged. "I suppose."

"Then you're not because of what we spoke about earlier?"

Callie tilted her head. Arizona sighed with an air of impatience.

"What I said earlier still stands Callie. You need to be thinking about you." Arizona stated before turning on her heel. "Are you coming?"

"I'll be there in a minute."

Callie stood in the corridor, eyes fixed on the skirting board. There was no chance of catching anyone's eye if she kept her gaze low. No chance of difficult questions and more difficult answers. She could pretend that the world was standing still and nothing was happening. It was a moment of peace. Literally a moment before Meredith turned the very same corner that Arizona had not long turned.

"Callie! What are you doing out here?"

Callie tried to smile at Meredith, tried to put on a face for her friend. She had enough issues of her own, and had already been enough of a rock for Callie. Callie didn't want to put more on her friend than necessary.

"I was just letting Penny have her moment in there. And I needed some quiet." Callie swiftly changed the topic, lightening her tone of voice instantly. "How is your patient?"

Meredith paused. "Lizzie is going to be okay, and so is her unborn child. Arizona performed a miracle in that OR today."

"I heard you two had a little… heated discussion earlier." Callie offered.

"You could call it that." Meredith smirked. "I guess I didn't agree with Blake being taken off a surgery on her last day. It was a bit tense in the OR, but the patients are alive and that's what matters, right?"

"Right." Callie nodded.

"So, are you going to tell me what you're really doing out here?" Meredith persisted.

Callie paused, before shaking her head. "It doesn't matter. Come on, lets go."

With that, Callie turned and walked ahead of her friend, relieved to not have to explain herself to someone who had been so positive about the move. With every step, Callie told herself that everything would work out, and New York would be great. With every step, she wished that she could believe what she was telling herself. By the time she opened the door, Callie almost believed that she could believe herself. She believed that she could be convincing when talking to anybody in the room about the move.

After all, it's not lying if you truly believe something, right?


	11. Chapter 11

_Okay, so I felt like I needed a slight time jump in order to get this chapter right rather than it being filler in keeping with the alternate chapters. So, we have moved forwards from the Monday to the Wednesday for this chapter. Hopefully it doesn't affect the reading of the story too much, but I am looking at filling in details within both this and the next chapter. Also, it's the return of the flashbacks (in italics again)._

 _Also, I usually get a little bit embarrassed reading reviews - I've always had issues with accepting compliments - but I would like to thank everybody who has taken the time to read, follow and review this fic._

 _Finally, I am sorry about the wait. Sometimes life gets in the way, and when it's not life, it's the anxiety… Hopefully this is worth the wait._

/

The rain in Seattle was relentless. Not heavy as such, but steady, sure and completely relentless. It felt like all of the jokes and stereotypes about Seattle being the rainiest city in the area had been piled on top of one another and spilled over into reality.

Arizona lay in bed, watching the rain fall through the gap in her curtains. She never kept her curtains fully closed when she felt anxious or stressed. Being able to see the sky soothed something inside of Arizona. The first time she had left her curtains open, she had been 12 and convinced there would never be anything worse than the math test she was dreading the next day. Arizona smiled at the thought. Yes, the math test was one that she had ended up acing, but it was the pragmatic approach to dealing with her emotions that Arizona loved most. It had been something that had shaped her personality, and she was eternally grateful for the edge the skill gave her in both her work and home life.

The last 24 hours had been, frankly, a complete hell. Work had been a complete shambles, with interns and residents running around, making messes of charts. Arizona actually had to remove one intern from her service, something she tried to avoid. She knew the young doctors had to learn but when a patient's life has been compromised, she couldn't ignore the mistake. Arizona had made a promise to herself that she would take the time to go through the mistakes he had made, but her priority was stabilising the patient.

As exhausting as that had been, it was nothing in comparison to Callie bringing Sofia back the night before. Arizona couldn't stand seeing her daughter so upset - how do you explain to a six year old that her Mama going away didn't change that she loves her? How can you look into a six year old's eyes and make her feel better about the kind of situation that most people would struggle to deal with as an adult. Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres was one strong child, and Arizona was so proud to be her Mother. She knew, or thought she knew, that deep down Callie felt the same, but her speech last night with Sofia was… lacking to say the least.

 _Arizona watched from across the room as her daughter clung to her ex wife, tears forming in her eyes._

" _You don't have to go, Mama." Sofia pleaded with Callie, looking straight up at her. Arizona felt like her heart was being torn out of her chest; she knew for sure that she would not have been able to resist giving in to Sofia. Sofia had Callie's eyes, the deep brown that Arizona had grown to know and love._

" _I'm sorry baby girl." Callie was looking down, but Arizona knew that she wasn't looking her daughter straight in the eye. "I promised Penny I would help her move. And I promise you that I will be back next week." Sofia's eyes lit up._

" _Wait." Arizona interjected. Her elation was momentary, the last thing she wanted was for her daughter to be misled. "You're back next week?" Arizona knew that Callie didn't need to answer to her, but for the sake of their child, she felt like this was the kind of information Callie should have shared._

 _Callie nodded, and met Arizona's eyes. "Yes. It was going to be a surprise for Sofia, but I couldn't not tell you!" She beamed as she lifted Sofia into a hug. As Sofia snuggled in, Arizona bit her tongue. She knew she couldn't ruin the moment for her daughter's sake, but she also knew that she couldn't not stand up for her daughter._

Arizona had cuddled Sofia until she had cried herself to sleep. She hadn't even tried to change her into her pyjamas, not wanting to wake her from the peaceful slumber. At least if Sofia was asleep, she wasn't hurting. Besides, the leggings and long tshirt that Sofia had chosen to wear that day were comfortable enough for her to sleep in. For the first time in a long time, Arizona had turned on the baby monitor that she had kept after she had miscarried a couple of years before. She didn't want to not be there for her daughter if she woke up, but also didn't want to risk waking her by sitting over her.

So she kept one eye on the monitor, the kind that had a screen to show the image from the camera as well as the sound. There was something comforting about watching her daughter sleep safe in her bed. Arizona couldn't help but have even the tiniest of smiles.

The situation sucked, but her daughter was alive. Her daughter was healthy. Her daughter had food on the table, a home, all the love any human being could need. What more can anyone ask for?

/

Arizona stood at the coffee cart, waiting patiently for her latte. She never complained about the service like some younger doctors did - Arizona had been brought up to have manners. She had also been taught by Tim that you don't mess with anyone who is handling your food or drink when he had been working at a restaurant. She might not have complained, but she sure wouldn't have minded her latte being ready sooner.

The whole emotional exhaustion from the day before was beginning to take hold, morphing into physical tiredness. Arizona wasn't sure she could handle a tough day today, making a silent plea for all pregnant women to be happy and healthy and avoid all accidents. Arizona didn't like the idea of people making selfish pleas to a higher being, but figured that hoping for health of all potential pregnant couldn't be selfish no matter how anybody twisted it. She thanked the barista with more enthusiasm than she actually felt within the whole of her body. She was far too tired to be her usual peppy self. She turned on her heel to head towards the conference room.

Board meetings were always… interesting. Arizona wondered what it would be like to be on the board of a hospital that wasn't always on the verge of some big disaster or having key members of staff leave. Did such a magical place exist?

Arizona was so lost in thought that she bumped straight into Meredith Grey.

"Oh. I'm sorry!" Arizona said, avoiding eye contact with her colleague, and continuing the path towards the conference room.

"It's fine." Meredith fell into step with Arizona. Arizona felt a wave of awkwardness crash over her. She was relieved when Meredith broke the silence. "I'm sorry about that the other day. I get this is hard on you and Sofia."

Arizona paused before answering. Sure, she was upset about what Meredith had said, but was this really the battle she needed to have right now? Arizona sighed, before giving her answer. "Thank you." She met Meredith's eyes momentarily before they entered the conference room.

Arizona felt a little bit more at ease. The dynamics were changing at Grey Sloan, and Arizona didn't want to be fighting battles in work as well at home. Sofia was going to need her more than ever now. Arizona couldn't let her daughter down. That wasn't something the good man in the storm would ever consider. That wasn't an option in Arizona's eyes.


	12. Chapter 12

_Here's a Callie update. I hope some of the progression in this chapter is to your tastes :)_

 _~Updated because I spotted a typo. I'm sorry!~_

/

New York. The City that Never Sleeps. It was a well known nickname. Callie had heard it thousands of times before, she knew what she was getting into. Still, she didn't think it would mean she would never get to sleep.

Maybe never was a bit strong. It was the first night after all. Her flight had been uncomfortable, and not just because of the hard seat and the lack of legroom. Callie had pretended that everything was okay for the sake of Sofia, then continued the facade when she saw just how excited Penny was about the move. She had bombarded Callie with pictures of the apartment the moment she stepped in the door, with a smile brighter than the sun. Callie couldn't help but feel obligated to smile back, all while adding the cancellation of the internet contract to the mental list of things she would need to do on her return to Seattle to tidy things up. From that moment, her mind had been anywhere but in the present.

If Penny had noticed, she had been gracious enough to not mention it or make a huge fuss over it. She had probably assumed that Callie was just too upset about leaving Sofia to be excited about the move. So Penny kept a smile on her face, and stuck to light conversation only. "How lovely is the view of the skyline?... Oh look at the lights over there!" Callie nodded politely, and made what she considered to be all the appropriate noises to show that she was acknowledging her comments. She was trying, she honestly was.

Maybe that was why she was too exhausted to do anything other than climb into bed when they finally checked into the hotel. It was a family room - in the aftermath of the court case, neither her nor Penny had thought to contact the hotel to change the room booking. Callie felt her face fall when she got in. Callie also felt Penny's spirits drop in reaction to seeing this. Still, Penny didn't say anything about Callie's choice to climbing into the single bed that should have been for Sofia without showering or changing her clothes. Penny didn't even say anything about the fact that Callie didn't respond to any of her questions or say goodnight. Callie just lay on her side, staring out of the window at the lights, listening to the noises. Listening to anything other than Penny.

And that was the exact same position Callie found herself in at 4am. She was desperate for a drink of water, but didn't want to risk waking Penny. Callie was reasonably sure that Penny wouldn't say anything even if she did, but there was the small chance that the redhead would try to talk. The thought of it made Callie feel nauseous.

So she watched and listened for something. What that something was, Callie didn't know.

The City that Never Sleeps. The Woman who Never Sleeps.

/

Callie waited for Penny to leave the next morning before getting up. It was completely justified, given that the hotel room didn't have a huge amount of space, and seemed to only have one mirror. It would have been awkward for both women to get ready at the same time. A small voice in Callie's mind told her it was more that she wanted to avoid interacting with Penny. Callie chose to banish the small voice into the depths of her mind.

By the time Callie was up and ready, it was nearly 10am. Callie couldn't remember the last time she had taken it quite so easy in the morning. Sofia was an early riser, all smiles and sunshine. Definitely the best reason to be getting up early. If it wasn't Sofia, it was work, which again she didn't begrudge. She was lucky to get to follow her dreams and help people - how many people could say that they had achieved their childhood dream?

Callie kept that thought in her head as she left her room, and used it to help herself smile when passing staff in the hotel. Sure, she felt like crap, but what was the point in taking that out on people who were just doing their jobs? They didn't make Callie get into the mess she found herself in. So Callie was as gracious as she had been taught to be by her father.

It wasn't until Callie stepped out of the hotel that she realised she had no idea of which way she should go. She hadn't really paid all that much attention in the cab on the journey from the airport. All Callie knew was that in the middle of a city as big as New York, there was no way she would be able to walk for more than 5 minutes before finding a cup of coffee for herself.

Callie paused for a moment, before turning left. She made her way up the street with her head held high - her father had always told her that not enough people take notice of what's above them in the streets. So many details can be missed with having tunnel vision. A couple of times she stopped to really absorb the views and appreciate the quiet. How was it that in the middle of a bustling city, she found herself feeling so far away from reality? Was it possible that she could really disappear in this city?

Callie caught herself smiling as she entered the coffee shop, and was immediately caught in thought. Why would she want to disappear? Surely that wasn't a normal thought?

Callie was pulled from her thoughts by the barista asking for her order. Callie ordered herself a latte with an extra shot of espresso - she knew the caffeine was technically bad for her but it was her one thing she had daily. It definitely wasn't the worst thing she could choose. Callie handed over the money, making sure to pull enough cash out of her wallet for the tip as well. Another rule from her father - always leave a tip.

Callie waited for her coffee, enjoying the fact she could wait for her coffee in silence. Sure, the baristas were sweet in her regular coffee shop, but sometimes it is nice to bury yourself in your thoughts. Callie thanked her barista for her coffee and found herself a table in the window of the store. She pulled her phone out and scrolled through her contacts, before selecting a number and praying the call was answered.

"Hello Calliope."

Callie's smile took over her face. The sound of Carlos Torres' voice always put a smile on her face. "Dad! How are you?"

"I'm good thank you. The deal went well last week, you know the hotel I was looking at buying and expanding into?"

Callie nodded. "The one with the private beach?"

"That's the one. It's the newest in the portfolio. Your mother didn't hate it, so it must be the most wonderful place on Earth."

Callie tried to control the sarcasm in her voice. "Seriously? She actually liked something?"

"Now, Calliope, don't speak about your mother like that."

"Sorry." Callie bit her lip, feeling more guilty about saying sorry than making the comment about her mother. Things had been rocky since her wedding to Arizona. Sure, Callie hated putting her father in an awkward position, but she couldn't stand the way her mother had acted. It was the 21st century, there was no excuse.

"It's okay. I get she's been hard on you given everything… How have you been mija?"

Callie paused. "Well, I'm in New York with Penny."

"Oh, lovely! I didn't think you were moving yet?"

"I'm not. I just came with her to help her set up the apartment. She's at the hospital looking around and sorting some paperwork, but we pick up the keys this afternoon." Callie said a silent prayer that her father didn't catch the hint of disappointment in her voice.

"Calliope. I need you to tell me what's wrong."

Crap. "I just… I just don't know if it's right for me to be here. In New York."

"Oh mija… You're finding it hard without Sofia?"

"Of course. She's my daughter." Callie blinked, trying to stop a stray tear from escaping her eyes. "She's my world. I just don't know what to do."

"Well, I have an idea. Come see me at the new hotel. Get yourself some time to think and breathe. I'll have my assistant book you a flight now."

"I can't just leave Penny though. I agreed to do this with her."

"Calliope. I need you to be completely honest with me… Are you happy right now?"

Callie paused for slightly too long.

"That's what I thought. I'll have the flight details emailed through to you. How does tonight work for you?"

Callie couldn't stop the tears now. "I'm sorry Daddy."

"Don't apologise mija. I just want the best for you."

"Thank you…" Callie wiped her eyes. "I love you."

"I love you too, Calliope."

/

Callie didn't quite know how she was going to tell Penny that she had to leave, that she couldn't go through with this. She didn't know how she could possibly look into that woman's eyes and let her down, not after everything she had done to stick by her through the court case. She wondered whether she could write her a note and leave it in the hotel, but decided that would be far too harsh. Instead she text Penny, and waited for her at the coffee shop she had called her father from. The coffee was good and it wasn't too loud, and Callie wasn't sure that she would find anywhere more appropriate for the conversation.

When Penny walked in, Callie stood up.

"Hi." Callie pointed at the counter. "Do you want me to order for you?"

"Sure." Penny sat down. "A caramel latte, please."

Callie took the time at the counter to think about how she would start the conversation with Penny. She knew she had to do this properly; there was no way the conversation would ever be a welcome one, but she at least had the respect for Penny as a human being to owe her this. Callie grabbed Penny's coffee, and sat back down opposite the redhead.

"So, how was the hospital?"

Penny accepted the coffee. "It was good. Amazing actually. The facilities are first class…" The smile fell from her face. "But I have a feeling that you don't want to talk about the hospital."

Callie shook her head. "No."

"Okay." Penny sipped her coffee, and looked straight into Callie's eyes. Callie felt a sting of guilt as she saw the glistening. "I need you to just say it, Callie."

Callie paused. "I'm sorry."

Penny looked down, fixing her gaze on the table. Callie's heart raced, concerned that she would hurt the woman in front of her, but more concerned that she would back out of this because she was about to hurt the woman in front of her.

"Don't." Penny finally spoke. "Don't be sorry. I should have seen this coming, what with Sofia staying in Seattle… I was stupid to think I could ever be enough to keep your interest."

"You're not stupid." Callie tried to reach out, tried to give a comforting squeeze of her hand, but Penny flinched away.

"Look, just go." Penny looked up. "Go and get your bags and leave… Please."

Callie nodded. "I'm sorry... I need you to know that I'm sorry."

Penny didn't even try to hide the tears. "I know."

/

 _Sorry that took so long to happen, but I really wanted to do this! I hope it was worth the wait :)_


	13. Chapter 13

_I'm starting to tie up some of the loose ends in my more detailed plans. I'm thinking there's maybe another 5-8 chapters of this story, depending on the length of the chapters and whether or not anything else comes to mind during my planning sessions…_

 _Anyway, I hope you all enjoy today's update :)_

/

Arizona stared at the piece of paper in front of her. She had read the words over and over, enough times for them to begin to lose meaning. Sofia had come home with her first real assignment, and it was a presentation about her family.

She was dreading this day for so many reasons. For one, she had hoped that Callie would have been around to give Sofia some tips - what if their daughter took after Callie with severe stage fright? Arizona couldn't exactly sit in school with Sofia all morning to keep her hair away from her face. Though, Arizona thought, if Callie had really developed that many strategies to deal with public speaking, maybe she wouldn't make herself physically sick with worry every time. Anyway, Arizona didn't want to spend Sofia's skype time with Callie discussing this project. Their time was important, and Arizona respected that.

The other thought in the back of Arizona's mind was the topic. Family, what a minefield. Sofia loved stories about Mark, and Arizona loved to see her eyes light up when she heard just how amazing her Daddy was. But the fact she had never known him? That was bound to bring up a question or two from her classmates. Combine that with the fact her Mama was living miles away now… Arizona knew kids could be cruel, she had been on the receiving end of it when she was younger. She just wished she could shelter Sofia from it.

Arizona made a promise to herself. She wouldn't let the differences in Sofia's home life be the most interesting aspect of the presentation. She had been looking online at ideas, something she could get Sofia involved in. Arizona had settled on glitter frames with names on them, and printed some photos of Mark, Callie and Sofia that could be used as a part of the presentation. If anything, they would make a keepsake for her daughter. Arizona supervised the crafting - she might have liked glitter, but there was a time and a place, and it wasn't right now on her kitchen floor. Other than that, she allowed Sofia to choose her colours and her designs. This was her project afterall.

"Mommy?" Sofia froze in place, eyes fixed on the frames in front of her..

"Yes, sweetie?" Arizona eyed her daughter carefully, noticing the frown on her face. She braced herself for a difficult question, and swallowed hard.

"I picked a picture of Daddy and me, and Mama and me…" Sofia looked up. "Why isn't there a picture of you and me here?" She pointed at the pile of extra photos Arizona had printed.

"Well, I thought you would want the pictures you chose for your room... " Arizona smiled softly.

Sofia nodded, chewing her lip. Arizona was astounded at how much her daughter looked like Callie sometimes. "I do want these pictures… But I want one of you and me too."

"Okay Sof." Arizona nodded. "Do you want to help me choose a picture on the laptop?"

Sofia shook her head. "I want to take a new picture. On your phone. With me all growed up."

Arizona's heart melted at her daughter's use of the word "growed". "Okay. Come here then."

Arizona let Sofia climb onto her lap and lean into her. She took a photo of them both, with Sofia smiling sweetly. An instant new lock screen photo, Arizona thought to herself. She kept the phone in camera mode and gasped out loud.

"I bet I can do a better silly face than you!" Arizona stuck her tongue out at her daughter.

"No Mommy! Look at this face!" Sofia crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out, a face Arizona had used so many times when playing with her daughter.

"That's perfect Sof! Hold it for a second!" Arizona pulled the same face, and took another photo. Never mind the first photo - this was definitely the lock screen photo.

"I want that one, Mommy." Sofia slid off Arizona's lap, eyes fixed on her phone.

"Hm? Are you sure you don't want the nice one of us smiling?"

Sofia nodded. "Yep. I want the funny faces."

Oh dear. Apparently this was another reason to dread presentation day. Arizona had a feeling the judging looks from Sofia's teacher on the upcoming parent's evening wouldn't just be about her sexuality anymore. Sure it was the 21st century, but Miss Colbourne was very old fashioned. Arizona shuddered, remembering the look that had been shot her way when she went for the teacher meet and greet session, and just hoped that the teacher was old fashioned enough to believe in being professional in front of the children in her class.

/

It had taken far longer to tidy up the kitchen than it had to actually decorate the frames, even with the unexpected third frame. Arizona had asked Sofia to help out, who had graciously accepted and played her part in the cleaning up process. Arizona couldn't have asked for a more well behaved child. Her mother had told her that the more mellow the child, the worse the teenage years would be, but Arizona just couldn't see Sofia being rebellious or bringing trouble to her door. She was far too sweet for that.

After Sofia had been safely tucked up in bed, Arizona headed downstairs and opened her laptop. She tried to avoid using it in front of Sofia too often, other than for skype, because she didn't want her daughter to feel like she came second to work or emails. Besides, Arizona spent enough hours at the hospital during her work day - the idea of spending her evening glued to her screen seemed crazy. She tried to rationalise it by glancing at her emails on her phone every so often, and one had piqued her interest not too long ago.

Arizona's jaw dropped when her screen confirmed what she thought she had seen earlier. She had put it down to viewing the email on a smaller screen and having Sofia chatting away happily in the background. But the email she had seen was definitely on her screen. What the hell was going on?

Arizona stared at the screen in front of her, before grabbing her phone. She scrolled through her contacts, to the one person who would probably have answers about all of this. But she was probably deliriously happy all those miles away. Arizona scrolled back up her list, settling on April as her person for this moment in time.

"Hi!" April was always efficient with answering her phone.

"Hi, April. Can you talk?"

"Of course!" Arizona could practically hear the smile in her friend's voice. "I wouldn't have answered if I couldn't! Plus," April lowered her voice, "Jackson is here building a diaper changing station and it's probably for the best that I'm out of his way…"

"Oh I forgot that was tonight!" Arizona felt like the worst friend on Earth. She couldn't expect April to want to talk about her issues when she was having to deal with her ex in her apartment building furniture. She had mentioned how nervous she was to be alone in an enclosed space, how she knew every time it ultimately ended in an argument or sex and neither were emotionally healthy for her right now while the pregnancy hormones were raging through her veins. She would be too angry or attached. April had questioned whether she would ever break the cycle. Arizona had no answer for her friend.

"Yeah… Though it's good that you called, it's good to have the distraction."

"So, which design did you go for?" Arizona hoped that questions about the station would help ease her friend's worries.

"The white corner piece. It matches the rest of the nursery... But we both know you didn't call to talk about the diaper changing station."

Arizona felt a stinging guilt at April's words. "I-"

"Arizona. It's fine. I'll have enough time to be thinking about the diaper changing station when the baby is here. What's wrong?"

"Well," Arizona took a sharp breath, "Carlos has just sent me plane tickets for me and Sofia to visit his newest hotel in Miami."

"Carlos…" April muttered under her breath. "Ah! Not Carlos as in Callie's Carlos?"

"Yes Callie's Carlos. Sofia's Grandad, Carlos." Arizona's words began to freefall as she became more and more panicked with the situation. "What is he even trying to achieve? I haven't spoken to him in years, and now all of a sudden? What if he's planning to take revenge on me? He did throw both Mark and George up against a wall in front of me and-"

"Woah. Stop." April cut across Arizona. "You're getting all stressed for no reason. You said it right there, he's Sofia's grandad. Maybe he just wants some quality time with his granddaughter?"

"Maybe… But-"

"No. No buts." April kept her voice firm. "You are overreacting, and that is no good for you. He isn't going to harm the mother of his granddaughter."

"I guess but Sof would still have a Mama if he did…"

"I said stop it."

"I'm trying." Arizona paused. "Thank you though, I needed to hear something rational. I guess what I really want to ask you what you would do if you were me."

"You shouldn't put that on me. I don't want to be the reason you do something you regret."

"I won't. I promise I won't do anything I don't want to. It's just you are the most rational voice right now, and I think it would be silly of me to act without asking you."

"Okay…" April sounded unsure. "Well, worst case scenario: you take Sofia and she spends time with Carlos and you get some R&R in the sun. Sea, sand, sangria… What's not to like about that?"

"I guess…"

"Seriously, Arizona, you have to promise me that you won't act just based on what I've said… You need to be sure you want to go."

"I promise. Thank you April."

/

Arizona hadn't hesitated in pulling the suitcase out from the closet she stored them in. She hadn't thought twice about the list she had drafted, other than to double check that the essentials, like sunblock, were definitely listed. But when she stood and looked at the open, empty suitcase on the floor, Arizona wasn't sure that this was a good idea.

Her father had taught her and Tim that there was a difference between wants and needs, between desire and logic. Arizona had accepted a long time ago that she was still caught up on Calliope Torres, although she would never willingly admit it out loud to anyone else, so spending time with the family of the woman who she loved so deeply, so intensely? Well, it might just be the worst idea ever.

Her conscience was fighting back at her feelings though. Surely part of being a mother was sacrificing your own needs for the needs of your children? Arizona couldn't count how many times her mother had told both herself and Tim that they would always come first. Arizona could almost hear Barbara Robbins' voice as she recited the line she had heard so many times. "A child's needs must always come before the personal needs of a parent… Unless it's a matter of life or death, of course."

Arizona was hesitant when she put the first few items of clothing into the suitcase, rationalising that a packed suitcase sat waiting was by no means a signature on a contract. It wasn't like she had promised Sofia that the trip was happening, it could be a lovely surprise for her if Arizona did decide that it was a good idea to go. A packed suitcase just meant she wouldn't be rushing around on Friday night if she did decide to go.

That was another one of Colonel Daniel Robbins' lessons: preparation is key.

Arizona allowed herself to smile, only slightly, safe in the knowledge that at least if she was making a mistake, she had acted within the ruleset she had been given when growing up to tackle the world with. She certainly wasn't perfect, but she could still try to be the good man in the storm that she was brought up to be.


	14. Chapter 14

_Thank you all for the kind reviews for the last chapter! (And, of course, on every chapter!)_

 _Just a heads up, there is a fleeting controversial opinion in this chapter. I'm sure the ending will make up for it though :)_

/

Callie lay in bed with her eyes shut. There were no lights, no taxis driving all night, no noisy people caught up in the whirlwind of the city. When her father had told her that this hotel was a little chunk of secluded paradise, he certainly hadn't lied. Maybe it was a slight exaggeration, but Callie could definitely live with that.

Callie decided there and then, in that moment, that she wasn't cut out for big, bustling cities. She had lived on the outskirts of Miami - close enough to join the action, but far enough to escape when necessary - and the Seattle suburbs definitely were not on the same scale as New York. Callie wasn't ready for New York, she could admit that now. She also wasn't ready for her life choices to be centered around Penny and her career. The guilt held her back from wanting to admit that fact though.

Callie couldn't remember the last time she had actually broken up with someone. It was definitely before George, he had broken up with her. She had settled into a friendship with Mark. Erica left her. And Arizona? Well that hardly classed as a break up to Callie, not deep down. She felt more like the separation from Arizona was an inevitable unravelling, a downwards spiral with a growing momentum destined for heartbreak and devastation. Callie knew deep down that it had began the moment Arizona had woken up after the amputation, not after the cheating.

Callie hated admitting that to herself, but she decided she needed to be more realistic. Her want to avoid difficult truths had put her in, frankly, the worst position she could have ever imagined. How could she have let everything go so far with Penny? How could she build that young woman up so far to break her down? The guilt was made worse by the fact that Callie knew Penny was intrinsically a good person. She had done nothing to deserve the way that Callie had treated her.

A conversation with her father the night before had allowed Callie to come to the realisation that maybe people don't always have to deserve something bad to have something bad happen to them. Of course, rationally Callie should have known that. All doctors know that. At least, all doctors know that until emotions are involved with the decision. Callie was grateful for Carlos pointing out the logic that Callie knew deep down. Did Arizona deserve to lose her leg? Did Mark deserve to die? Unless either of them were hiding a sinister secret from Callie, she was sure the answer was no to both of those questions.

By splitting up with Penny, Callie had been cruel to be kind. Carlos had pointed out that leading her on while being miserable would have been wrong. Nobody deserved to be allowed to believe that their partner loved them when really every moment between them was laced with doubt. Nobody deserved to live a lie like that. The tears Penny cried yesterday saved more tears in the long run. And honestly? Callie hoped that Penny could find someone to settle down with, someone to love with every cell in her body, someone whose life she could entwine in her own and find eternal happiness.

Callie felt peace begin to wash over her. She felt guilty momentarily about how short lived her sadness was over the whole breakup. But peace washed over that guilt too, and Callie found herself lying in bed with her eyes closed and a smile on her face.

She had forgotten how it felt to genuinely smile. She never wanted to forget that feeling again.

/

After a couple of days at the hotel in Miami, Callie was convinced that almost any problem could be solved if a person could spend time by the sea in a beautiful hotel with the sun shining over them. Feeling blue? Go and stay by the sea. Full of anxiety? Go and bask in the solidarity of a private beach. Missing your daughter? Well, Callie was only convinced that almost any problem could be solved.

Of course, it wasn't the most practical solution to one's problems, but Callie could dream. She smiled to herself, imagining the delight on the faces of her patients as she prescribed time in paradise as a part of the resting up period. Maybe in a parallel universe.

Callie had become accustomed to spending time alone on the beach every day. She always bought a notepad and pen, a book and her iPod, all of which often lay forgotten on the table next to her sunlounger. Although she wasn't the only person staying at her father's hotel, she was the only one who wasn't a part of the planning meetings for the opening of the hotel, or a part of the staff. Callie didn't like expecting the staff to wait on her completely, feeling awkward that for most of the day, while her father held meetings, she was the only person they would be concentrating on. Instead, Callie ordered her drinks by text, then wandered up to the hotel to collect them. She would have happily made the drinks herself too, but the supervising barman was offended by the idea.

Callie enjoyed the monotony of her days, a million miles away from anything she had experienced as a surgeon. She wasted her days away staring out at the sea and sipping on her drinks. She allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts, to look after her mental well being, something she hadn't done in a long time. Callie would occasionally grab her notebook and allow her thoughts to flow through her nerves, into the pen and onto the paper. She would collect every page and make sure to shred them when she reached the hotel. The process felt clean. The thoughts and feelings felt like they had completed their journey. Callie felt like she could finally relax.

5pm came, and like clockwork, Callie made her way back up to the hotel. Dinner was served at 7pm, but she met her father every evening downstairs at 6:30pm. She had always enjoyed spending time with her father, but within the past few days, Callie had come to see Carlos as more than her father. He was a human. It might have sounded ridiculous to some people, but Callie had never really considered her parents as humans with flaws. She had held them to the superhuman standards that most children hold their parents to. Maybe leaving home to join the Peace Corps, then for college had affected the speed of Callie's realisation. But she had come to appreciate Carlos as a human with interests and a personality rather than just her father. She even thought she might have chosen him as a friend had she not already known him. Callie didn't think it was possible, but she was now even more proud to call herself Torres.

/

Callie checked her phone before heading back downstairs. She had made it a rule to leave her phone in her room rather than taking it with her. It had helped her to bond with her father, as well as allowing herself to heal and figure out who she was again. She felt like an emotional punchbag, and life had punched her one too many times. Miami had put her on track to fixing the pain. Having a link to the cause of the pain was not a good idea.

Callie had made sure to keep in contact with Sofia through Arizona, sending texts and photos to her daughter. She had called to explain that skype wasn't an option at the moment, telling her daughter that her internet was 'being naughty'. Callie couldn't bring herself to admit the truth to Arizona, not yet. Seeing no messages on her phone, Callie felt a little bit deflated. She reluctantly dropped her phone onto her bed, a reminder to check it as soon as she got back to her room, and made her way downstairs to her father.

Callie took the stairs rather than the elevator. She had had enough of elevators to last a lifetime from memories from Grey Sloan were so intense that they existed in every elevator Callie found herself. Callie assumed it was the enclosed space and familiar hum of the elevator that triggered it. She needed to shake the old feelings off if she was going to carry on healing.

Callie was in a world of her own as she walked down the stairs, taking the time to admire the view out of every window on her way down. It really was the most beautiful location. She wasn't sure she could ever tell her father that enough times. It was important that he really understood just how special Callie thought his hotel was. Carlos had always described each hotel and business venture as a piece in the jigsaw puzzle that was his life's dream. Callie loved seeing his smile when he realised that other people could appreciate his dreams too.

Callie's mind was so caught up on thoughts of her father and his dreams that she almost didn't notice one of her own puzzle pieces fall into place. Almost.

Callie didn't dare move, for fear that the little girl stood at the desk wasn't who Callie needed her to be. For fear that the blonde wasn't who Callie needed her to be. If the past couple of years of Callie's life were anything to go by, this was some cruel joke cast upon her as some sort of punishment for action in a past life. To give so freely with one hand and take away with another. So Callie stood and watched.

She stood and watched until she was walking. Until she was running. Until she was lifting the beautiful little girl in the air and swinging her around.

"Mama!" Sofia giggled. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too baby girl." Callie held Sofia close, and closed her eyes, not wanting to leave this moment. "I missed you more than you could ever believe."


	15. Chapter 15

_I'm sorry about how long this chapter took to write. Life and anxiety has been happening, and it's been difficult to sit and write something I'm actually happy with to upload._

 _Hopefully you all enjoy this._

/

Arizona watched as Callie swung their daughter around, high on joy and elation, and felt a knot form in her stomach. She knew her daughter was happier today than she had been all week, but this definitely didn't make everything better. Arizona had a long list of things she needed to sort out with Callie, but the conversation was not one Sofia needed to hear. Arizona bit her tongue, and turned back to face the receptionist, who had sorted a key out for her.

"Your bags will be in your room, Dr Robbins." She smiled.

Arizona opened her mouth to protest, there was no reason she couldn't take her own bags, she really didn't want to be any trouble, but out of the corner of her eye, she saw that her bags were not where she left them. She heard the elevator doors open, and turned in time to see the bellboy take her bags into the elevator and close the doors. She felt bad, but had no choice other than to thank the receptionist.

Arizona spotted Carlos come from what she presumed was a dining area, and couldn't stop herself smiling. She had always been fond of Callie's father, despite everything that had happened over the past couple of years. Callie's actions didn't erase what a decent human being Carlos was, and it helped that he understood that it was Callie and Arizona's battle, not his. Maybe it was for Sofia's sake, but Arizona really appreciated Carlos acting civil.

"Oh my, is that my Sofia in here?" Sofia swung her head around and ran into her grandfather's arms, laughing with happiness. "How wonderful to see you, princess!" He kissed her head before looking between Callie and Arizona. "I hope you two don't mind, but I have a table for two booked with a very special dinner planned with all of Sofia's favourites to choose from. Me and my granddaughter have a lot of catching up to do, don't we?"

"Sure do!" Sofia nodded. "I want to tell you all about my presentation this week!"

"And I want to hear all about it." Carlos smiled down at Sofia.

Arizona melted inside. She braved a glance at Callie, and saw her wearing a very similar smile to the one Arizona was currently wearing. The whole moment felt a little bit surreal; an onlooker might not have even suspected that anything had ever been wrong in this little family.

Wait.

Arizona groaned internally. She knew Carlos had good motives, but he was also very likely to have set this up to- No. Arizona wasn't letting herself believe that. Because in theory, if he did set it up, it could mean that Callie was still interested. That theory just didn't make sense though. Callie had Penny, who was probably waiting just around the corner in the bar. Arizona silently cursed the kind hearted man in front of her, misplacing the annoyance at herself for becoming carried away in the impossible scenario she had just created in her mind.

As her daughter walked away, happily chatting to her grandfather, Arizona turned on her heel. An evening alone in a hotel room wasn't her idea of a relaxing night, but it certainly beat an evening alone watching her ex wife fawn over her girlfriend. If she was lucky, the bathroom might have a nice, deep tub to soak in. Knowing Carlos, it would probably be one of the tubs with the jets, perfect for destressing. After the worry of the flight and having to wear a mask in front of her daughter, Arizona was more than ready for some relaxation.

Her mind flashed back to the last time she had stayed in one of Carlos' hotels, with the tub that was more like a mini pool and the jets and the three orgasms her wife had given her. Arizona pulled her mind away from there. She couldn't be thinking about this now. Not in front of Callie. Not when Callie had a girlfriend who she had moved across the country to be with. Her cheeks flushed pink, Arizona would have bet on a shade of fuschia if she had been a betting woman, and she made her way towards the elevator.

"Hey."

Arizona turned back at the sound of Callie's voice.

"Do you want to grab some dinner?... It doesn't have to be from Sofia's menu. You should definitely eat, especially after travelling. Oh, how was your journey? Did you… You didn't?" Callie's jaw dropped.

"I didn't what?"

"You… Flew?" Callie dropped her voice on her last word, much to Arizona's annoyance.

"You can say the word, Callie." The annoyance dripped from every word that left Arizona's mouth. "Yes, we flew here. On an aeroplane. One significantly larger than the one that crashed." Arizona studied Callie's face. "What?"

"I'm… I'm sorry. I just thought it would be a big deal." Callie looked a little sheepish, shifting her weight from one foot to another. "It's not my business."

Arizona hated when Callie pulled this on her. The whole apologising with the gorgeous, big brown eyes and the slightly raised eyebrows. The same look Sofia had picked up when she was about to be told off for doing something wrong. The one look Arizona couldn't resist. What made it even more frustrating was that Callie knew that Arizona couldn't resist. Arizona fought the urge to roll her eyes.

"It's fine." She bit the inside of her lip, trying to stop herself from saying anything more. Before she knew it, the words were falling from her mouth and she couldn't stop herself. "Actually, no. It's not fine. You have a girlfriend and you're happy and you're doing that look and it's not right, it's not fair for you to be doing that. It's not fair on me, and it's especially not fair on her seeing that she doesn't even know about it and -"

"Arizona. I'm not with Penny."

Arizona stopped in her tracks. "What?"

"I'm not with Penny." Callie repeated simply.

"Oh... You mean she's in New York because she still has research to be doing?" Arizona raised her eyebrow. "Because you know that doesn't excuse your actions still…"

"I mean I left her in New York. I left her Penny, literally as well as in the relationship sense."

Arizona let Callie's words sink in. She left Penny. Arizona told herself she couldn't get her hopes up about this. Callie had decided that their relationship wasn't worth working on way before Penny walked into the picture. This probably didn't mean anything. Arizona steadied her voice before saying anything.

"I guess there's things we need to talk about… Like how this affects Sofia."

Callie nodded. "We could do that over dinner. I'm willing to bet you're hungry."

Arizona shook her head. "I'm still nauseous after the flight. I'll take a white wine though."

/

The two women sat in silence, waiting for their drinks. Arizona pretended to check her emails on her phone, stealing glances at her daughter across the room who was talking animatedly with her grandfather. It was amazing really, how much life was contained within her tiny body. She was the light in the room, the soul of the family. Arizona couldn't help smiling to herself.

"She's amazing, isn't she?" Callie's voice broke Arizona's train of thought.

"Yes… But I guess we're a little bit biased, aren't we?"

Callie shrugged, thanking the waiter for their drinks. The women sipped in silence for a few minutes, trying to avoid the inevitable conversation that they needed to have. But the thoughts flying around Arizona's head were beginning to make her uncomfortable. She needed answers. She needed answers now.

"So, what's going to happen now then?"

Callie swirled the wine in her glass slightly, watching the liquid circle around. "Well I don't know… I have the place in Seattle still, I hadn't even thought about sorting the paperwork for selling yet. So that seems logical. But I don't have a job, and I doubt Bailey will be happy about me returning after the speech she gave me before I left… 'You're leaving to chase a resident? Torres you are a leading surgeon in your field, you shouldn't be chasing her at the expense of your career!' I think she gave me that speech at least three times." Callie sighed. "How is that woman always right?"

Arizona smiled. "It must be in her DNA, like a superhuman mutation."

Callie laughed softly. "That would explain it… Maybe I should ask Bailey what I should do?"

Arizona sighed. "You need to stop putting your future in the hands of other people. Stand up. Make a decision yourself, please. Give our daughter a strong role model to look up to."

"But she has you. She lives with you."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to have two positive role models…" Arizona paused, not knowing whether she was about to overstep the mark with what she wanted to say. "Callie, can I be honest?"

Callie nodded. "Of course."

"It seems like you've lost yourself. You're not the same you that I dated and married. You're… More like the you I kissed that night in the bar restroom…" Arizona felt her cheeks burn at the thought of that evening. "I'm not saying that I want to kiss you... Um, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. I just mean that it feels like you need to find yourself and I'm here if you need to chat about anything. On one condition, though."

"What?" Callie's eyes found Arizona's. Arizona felt almost disarmed by the eye contact. She took a moment before responding.

"You need to not say anything to Sofia. Don't even hint at coming back to Seattle. Not until you are 100% sure, and then some, okay?"

"Okay."

Arizona drained her glass of wine. She wasn't sure whether it was the wine or the answers, but Arizona felt much less nauseous.

It might all work out okay, right?


End file.
